On the Lighter Side

I have a very practical jokish relationship with God. And I like to think God appreciates my sense of humor.

I say things like "I think God is really a fat, black, Jewish lesbian" over a nice lunch with friends. Said comment garners the appropriate laughs, and we pack up to go see Bruce Almighty in the theater. Half-way through the movie, God responds with her own joke. I kid you not -- one of my front teeth abcesses and I'm in mind-blinding pain. The obligatory trip to the ER to figure out what's causing the pain (because of course this happens on a Sunday), then the trip to the dentist, and then the endodonist for the root canal, and back to the dentist for a crown. So, God obviously got the joke and took umbrage with me calling her fat. Never call the Divine fat, it's a recipe for disaster, because God will take the one-ups-manship to the next level.

Now, I don't recall having made any God jokes in the past 48 hours. So, I'm completely at a loss for why my ass has decided it's a juicer. I'm sure I thought that Fred Phelps was a total nut-job and I most likely said it aloud, but I don't think that's the cause of my Divinely-visited ass-plague. But on the off chance that this another of your pratical jokes God: UNCLE .... UNCLE. MAKE IT STOP!!!! (and I won't ever call you fat again!)

See, wasn't that a lot more entertaining than me just saying I've come down with the stomach flu?