Baa, Baa. I Have No Wool.

I’ve always tried – the best I know how – to be a good son, grandson, uncle and family member. Sometimes I mess up really bad. I’ll freely admit I’m not that good with birthdays. I may call late, but eventually I remember. I usually don’t send cards or gifts, but I know how to do Christmas. It hasn’t always been that way, but now I’m no slouch. My parents frequently accuse me of being too extravagant where my nephew is concerned. The Major also gives me warnings every year not to spend too much money. So, you might only get a call (belatedly) for your birthday, but you can count on a nice Christmas present.

I’m seriously trying to love the parents I have, and not the parents I wish I had. But it’s getting really difficult these days. It seems like they always need a black sheep in the family, and I’m the new one. From my point of view, my parents’ tendency to play favorites is the crux. My sister has always been their favorite. This hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me to deal with, but I have been more or less able to overlook it. It’s been harder since my niece was born. As she’s grown, she’s become the apple of my parents’ eye and my nephew has become a very distant second fiddle.

I’ve seen my parents fawn over my niece, but only offer negative feedback to my nephew: “sit down over there and play quietly,” or “not now, I’m holding the baby.” They’ve babysat her every workday, to help my sister out, but they haven’t made much of an effort to see their grandson. Unfortunately, my nephew and his mother have noticed this trend and are understandably very upset. It’s getting pretty bad; my sister-in-law is getting to the point where she doesn’t want to have anything to do with my parents.

In the interest of family unity, I’ve tried to explain to my parents how their behavior is perceived, which they have dismissed. I’ve made my trips home as much about my nephew as possible; I want my nephew to know that he’s got at least one family member that hasn’t forgotten about him. My parents have told me that I’m just spoiling him.

I’m completely at my wits end here. My parents have made their granddaughter so much the center of their lives, that any discussion on the matter puts them immediately on the defensive. Any perceived slight to the baby is met with retalition; they didn't send me a birthday gift this year because I hadn't done anything for my niece's birthday. I truly wish that they could see that this isn’t about right or wrong, my opinion or their opinion; it’s about one child being lavished with praise and attention and another being criticized and ignored. My niece isn’t old enough to be hurt by this behavior, my nephew is.