November 27, 2006

The War on Christmas: Colorado Edition

Today, we have this little nugget of joy compliments of some asshat in Colorado. Without getting into why HOAs can be very bad things, methinks the head of this HOA has missed the whole point of being an American and being a Christian.

Americans have this little thing we like to call Freedom of Speech. He would do well to remember that the homeowner has the right to express herself however she chooses as long as she doesn't harm anyone else. Secondly, the wreath in question is a simple reminder of the reason for the season. You know the Son of God, the Christ, oh and THE PRINCE OF PEACE.

But if you don't like peace, wreaths and especially peace sign shaped wreaths -- then I suppose you can always fire the committee that doesn't agree with your views and impose a nice little fine on the violator. I think the head of this HOA needs to be reminded why we have Christmas. Any volunteers?

November 24, 2006

Gobble Gobble

I would just like to take a moment and be thankful for my Thanksgiving. I spent the day entirely by myself. The only time I interacted with other people was on my trip to the 7-11 for a slurpee and when I talked to my mom. And that's just how I wanted the day to be.

I've never been that big on Thanksgiving. I'm indifferent towards turkey (usually it's pretty dry and gross); yams/sweet potatoes are foul and narsty; pumpkin pie has a texture and taste straight from the devil. My family usually does the whole big dinner thing, and then when it's done everyone just sits around and it's pretty darn boring.

So this year I cut out all the food I really don't like, skipped on the being bored and went straight for the let's-have-a-day-when-AJ-does-what-he-wants-to-do. I slept in. I played with the dog. I played video games. I watched some Steve Irwin wannabe get bit by a snouted cobra that he was chasing all over Namibia -- and then after going to the hospital, this moron went back to the place he was bitten and harassed the same cobra sommore. Something about getting the perfect cobra picture. Then I played some more video games. Finally, I curled up in bed with a good book with the dog and cat and eventually drifted off to sleep.

I'm telling you, it just doesn't get much better than that. So, I am abundantly grateful for a quiet low key day that was restful and refreshing. I hope everyone else enjoyed their thanksgiving.

Beltway

I decided to drive to work today versus taking public transportation. I wasn't really sure how often the buses would be running today, and I really didn't feel like spending up to 30 minutes at the busstop waiting for the bus.

I noticed something very odd on my drive this morning. 395 south was relatively not busy. 495 was a very strange thing. While I was in VA, the beltway was pretty packed -- a lot more traffic than I was expecting at 7:30 on a 'holiday.' The minute I crossed over into Maryland, all the traffic seemed to disappear.

Seriously, what's going on? Do people in VA work the day after Thanksgiving while MD stays home? Either way, I'm going to be really annoyed if there's a ton of traffic on my way home.

November 22, 2006

From the Archives

Becuase we needed some Holiday entertainment, our CEO faxed us a nice little poem by Ogden Nash about the year we had 2 Thanksgivings. There was also mention that most of us weren't old enough to remember when it actually happened. I was going to call schennigans, until I found this little bit of gobbledygook.

The truth, she is stranger than fiction.

[And really, the youngest person out there that would remember this -- probably somewhere in their 80s.]

Metro Etiquette: Large and in Charge Edition

Uncle AJ is back with more tales of tomfoolery and bad behavior on everyone's favorite form of public transportation.

First up, we have a young lady with a very bad attitude. Look little miss-thing (actually, you're not really a "little anything," more of a manitee, or hippo -- we'll settle on hippo because those things are mean too), I can appreciate that everyone is in a hurry to get to work in the morning. However, pushing your rather large self rudely by me and almost knocking me over while trying to get to the exit, isn't a very nice thing to do. You need to understand a few things: 1) I won't move while the train is still moving -- I have very poor balance, I'm a total klutz and I'm usually smacked out on vicodin -- it's just not safe for me to move until the train has come to a complete and total stop. 2) Don't get all pissy with me if I'm not moving once the train has stopped. You see all those people in front of me, and behind me, and to the side of me? I can't move until they move. So be patient and wait until people have started to exit the train before you propel your vast bulk through the crowd to get to the exit. And 3) this has nothing to do with me being white and you being black. It's really a matter of, well matter. You see, 2 things can't occupy the same space at the same time. And really, when was the last time you ever saw someone not make it off of the train? MORAL: Be patient and wait your turn -- and people aren't racists because they can't defy the laws of the universe to let you off the train quicker.

Next up we have some high quality hilarity. LESBIAN BREAK UP FIGHT! That's right, it's kind of like the Glorious Ladies of Wrestling, only it's on the platform at the Pentagon metro station. I have one thing to say to you both: you really should keep your personal drama in your own home. That being said, I LOVED THE PRODUCTION! You all know how to put on a show! I loved the braid/hair tossing (so that you hit each other in the face.) I loved the running up and down the escalators to the lower platform chasing and screaming at each other. I loved how one of you had a total meltdown, slid down the wall and just started bawling. Now, if you'd both lose a little weight, wear some skimpier clothing (but not until you've actually lost weight -- I really didn't need to see the thongs you were wearing) you'd be every straight man's dream. I am glad you did make up and continue your day together. I'm disappointed you all didn't make out. I mean really -- you'd already caused such a scene, what more would a nice kiss done? Keep up the good work ladies -- that was some high quality entertainment. MORAL: Lesbian break-ups in the metro need more tongue.

Finally, we have some one who can't speak English. I'm not that much of a grammar nazi -- if I can understand your meaning, it usually works for me. But this lady takes the cake. Overheard last night:


"It ain't gonna never happen"

With 5 words you've managed to break almost every point of grammar in the English language. Really this is more of a pet peeve of mine than anything else, but come on! At the very least you could have said "It ain't never gonna happen" or "Ain't gonna happen" I feel really sorry for whoever had to grade your compositions.

That's all for this edition of Metro with AJ ... stay tuned for more.

November 16, 2006

Template Update

I got bored with the old monochrome orange thing. So I switched the template. Also messed a bit with the XML coding to change a color or two. And finally added in the links I've been meaning to do forever. Enjoy!

A Tale of Tasers and Needles

Vicodin makes it really hard to concentrate, spell properly, and order your thoughts in a logical fashion. Yes, I'm still on vicodin. Today's a bad day for me -- as have most days this week. I had injection therapy a week ago, and it really didn't do all that much for me this time around. (Obviously, if I'm taking vicodin.)

I figured I'd post an update on the new busted hotness that is my neck. This has been a week of developments -- it's been like sweeps week in the melodrama that is my spinal cord. I had an EMG on Tuesday which was in parts midly annoying and in parts incredibly painful. I'm not really down with having electrified needles stuck in the sore spots on my neck.

The results were a little bit of Column A and some of Column B. The good news is that I don't have acute nerve damage -- which means I don't need immediate decompression surgery (i.e., removing the bulging part of the disk). The bad news is that there are clear signs of chronic radiculopathy. In English that means chronic nerve damage. And in understandable English it translates to: you have nerve damage that was caused at some point in the past which has become a chronic condition that we're going to have to figure out a way to manage while your body repairs itself.

Round One is over and the neck has won this match. Round Two starts on Dec. 22 when I have a follow-up consult with the RingLeaderOrthopedicSurgeon. A new plan of attack will be devised, and hopefully will yield better results. Until then, I'll be on my happy pills, so drop in -- I'm 57.4% less crotchy when narcotics are involved.

November 13, 2006

I Double-Dog Dare You

Ammendment 1 passed in VA. This is really the same thing as "I'm going to double-dog dare/tell you that those gays can't get married." Apparently, the existing law in VA banning same sex marriage wasn't enough. Apparently, the voters and lawmakers of the Commonwealth really wanted to be sure that 'those gays' can't get married. Nevermind that Ammendment 1 is a poorly written piece of law that is going to have some very interesting consequences -- and by interesting I mean negative.

I truly wonder what the logic was behind this. What motivated people to vote for the Ammendment even though it was completely unnecessary? Unless you wanted to say "not only can gays not get married, we're also not going to let them have civil unions or any other form of legal contract that recongizes that 2 gay partners are anything but legal strangers." News flash, just because gay marriage in all of its forms has been "outlawed" in Virginia, doesn't mean that those pesky gays aren't going to be meeting, falling in love, committing to spend their lives with each other and having lots of hot steamy buttsex. Gays and lesbians aren't suddenly going to stop existing; they're not going to go *poof* and evaporate in a cloud of fabulous pink smoke.

The only defense I've heard so far in support of the Ammendment is "It's in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin." Well, to be patently glib about that argument, killing people is a sin -- yet we let murderers on death row get married (provided that someone is willing to marry an inmate on death row.) Politicians get married all the time, and I can't think of a group of people that commit more sin than these people. So sinning doesn't appear to preclude one from getting married, unless, of course, you're sinning the gay way.

That last point might have seemed a bit trite, irrelevant and mocking. I suppose it was meant to be, but it was leading to this: About 50 years ago, a married couple from Tennessee moved to Virginia, and were thrown in jail -- because they were an interracial couple, and that was most definately not cool in the great state of Virginia. Bigots far and wide didn't think these 2 should be married, and unless I'm seriously mistaken people were talking about "preserving the sanctity of marriage." And some of the seriously deluded out there were quoting scripture about how this was bad. Eventually, the Supreme Court stepped in and in Loving vs. Virginia declared that Virginia's law against interracial marriage was unconstitutional.

My point being, the Bible and religion in general have been used for centuries to marginalize people and justify the prevailing social trends of the era. We've seen it used to say that Blacks deserve to be slaves, and that women are the lesser sex -- both statements that no modern Christian would ever support. I say it's high time that people start using the Bible and religion to support one another, love one another, and respect one another. In other words, Christians would do well to stop acting like Christians and start acting like Christ.

A Good Friend Is Hard To Find

I've been very introspective lately, and there's been one issue that's been on my mind more than any other. I've been wondering if I'm a bad friend, and if --in the specific case I'm thinking about-- there's even anything left there that could be called a friendship. To wit:

Recently, my best friend from college got married. I was unable to go because of my neck. I decided that it was probably not such a good idea because driving to the 7-11 is rather difficult for me. So a long plane trip and then all the events that are associated with a wedding are definately not within my abilities at this point in time.

A few months prior to the event, I called to let her know what had happened to my neck. I also mentioned that money was a little tight, as was vacation time -- so it would be very hard to swing a cross country trip for 2 people (flight, hotel, food, etc.). She was disappointed about my neck, but remained hopeful I would get better -- and she also said "if money's an issue you can always borrow some from your parents." This is were I start to get a little pissed off. Both of my parents are retired, and as their eldest child at 33 years old, I'm not going to ask them for money they don't have so I can go to a social event.

The wedding has come and gone, and I've been thinking about it and hoping it went well. But, I've also realized that if I hadn't been sick, I still wouldn't have went. Yes, there were the money issues to consider. Yes, there were work-related issues to consider. But what really keeps coming to the fore of my mind is that this person is supposedly my best friend. Yet, all communication we've had in the last 2 years has been me calling her. She almost never returns any calls, and I can't remember the last time she called me just to talk. Everytime we've seen each other, I've went to see her (or we've met up in our hometown when we were both home for the holidays).

Is is so wrong of me to be upset that someone who's supposed to be my best friend, doesn't call, doesn't come visit, hasn't been there for me in the last 2-3 years, but still wanted me to fly cross country and deal with all that a destination wedding entails? When she can't even pick up the phone once a month and say "hey, how are you?" I honestly think that I would have made a Herculean effort to attend if I had seen any glimmer that my friendship meant something to her.

Is it wrong of me to want a little acknowledgement and some friend-like behavior from someone who's asking me to take 3 days off work and spend a tidy sum? I'm really conflicted because my heart tells me that friends bend over backwards for each other, and don't ask anything in return. My head is telling me, can such a one-sided relationship truly be called a friendship at this point?

Fortunately, all this is moot, because I couldn't have gone because of the neck.

November 10, 2006

Necksorcism Update

My doctors are in agreement: Tests are needed to determine if I do or do not have nerve damage. They also agree that I've gotten all the benefits I'm going to get from PT at this point. They're conferencing this week to determine if surgery is the next step. And they put me back on vicodin for the pain.

I'm completely back to square one at this point. I have no idea what the course of treatment is going to be. The pain level is about the same as it initially was, but the numbness/tingling is significantly greater than when this first set in. I'm worried, nervous, scared, and of course the Major is out of town until next Friday. I don't fault him for this -- just the story of my life that bad things happen when I'm alone. I've gotten really good at being self-reliant because of this.

For some reason, this situation made me think of one of the many bouts of kidney stones I had in undergrad and graduate school. Two of my fellow RAs were the best friends you could ever hope for and took me to the hospital twice. When I came home, they asked if I needed anything, and offered to go to the grocery store for me. I gave them some money and said get basic sick stuff -- like cranberry juice, and ginger ale. Maybe some non-offense snacks like crackers.

About an hour later, these 2 bitches (I mean that in the most loving way possible) came back giggling their asses off with a bunch of grocery bags. It seemed that they deemed an entire rotisserie chicken was good idea -- along with some other food that they wanted to eat. Granted, it wasn't really what I had in mind, and kind of a waste of money -- but it did make me laugh. And it made me realize that they were really good friends. Now whereever you 2 are, get your punk-asses up here and keep me company! Daddy needs a rotisserie chicken!

Do Fries Go With That Pop

Ganked from Neil's place:


What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes


No big surprise here. I grew up in OH after all.

November 7, 2006

Democracy in Action

I'm a frequent reader of The Huffingpost, and I'm a little dismayed at the number of headlines on there today that have to deal with voter fraud, intimidation, and malfuctioning machines. You would think that elections would be untouchable -- they are, after all, the cornerstone of our democracy. You vote and that vote counts for something. At least in theory that's how it's supposed to work.

Reading all the headlines about 'robo-calls' made to voters to discourage them from voting, makes me ill. Reading all the headlines about malfunctioning machines makes me depressed. There was even an article about someone getting throttled by a poll worker. A POLL WORKER, people!

What have we come to that the majority of us read these headlines and there's no sense of outrage? Why isn't everyone out in the streets protesting about machines that mess-up frequently and are easily hackable? Why aren't people rioting because these machines don't leave a paper trail and the election can so easily be stolen? And why aren't people demanding that we use paper ballots until we get this technology right? Come on! Paper ballots show the lowest margin of error. It's really hard to mess up checking a box.

And lest you think to yourself, "but AJ, the huffpo is a liberal news blog." Yes, that is true. However, they have a good number of articles detailing both sides of the fence. Go check it out for some scaring reading.

Le Vote, C'est Chic

After a minor misadventure this morning, I made it to my assigned polling place. I was in and out in just under 10 minutes. I did have one of the machines that cut the end of Jim Webb's name off on the summary screen. It threw me for a loop initially -- even though I knew that this could be a problem in VA. A quick check of my sample ballot put my mind at ease, and I punched the "submit ballot" button.

Also, my polling place doesn't have touch-screen e-machines, but rather these machines use a scroll dial. It took some getting used to, which is a very bad thing. I'm pretty adaptable and tech savvy, and if these things threw me for a small loop, I can only imagine how the older folks are going to fare with them.

Get out and vote if you haven't already!

November 6, 2006

Sign Gnapping

I posted earlier about how Webb signs were spontaneously transmogrifing themselves into Allen signs in my neighborhood.

It turns out this is not an isolated event. I was reading some of the posts over at the huffingtonpost, and someone had note that the Webb signs were disappearing in their neck of the woods as well. I'll see if I can't round that up and link to it -- maybe I'll search for a news story.

I, for one, am looking forward to November 8. Then all the slime and meanness will disappear from the TV and airwaves for about 2 more years. Which is good, because I've had about all I can take this year.

PSA

Reminder to everyone out there:

Get out and vote tomorrow! I'd prefer if you voted for the Democratic candidate(s), because the current batch of Republicans have made a real dog's dinner of the place. I'm not sure that the Dems can do a better job, but at this point, it'd be really hard to do worse.

At any rate, go out and vote! Show your pride and patriotism! Be an American!

It's a great day to be gay

I think CNN.com was taken over by the gays today. I first saw the article about Dougie Howser being a big old 'mo. (note if you're gay and going to come out, that was the right way to do it.)

Then I saw the article about Haggard. Not Haggar the Horrible, or Haggar the Witch from Voltron, rahter the Minister of the Church that ate Colorado. The Haggard that apparently ordered up some hot and steamy gay sex with a side of crystal meth from a gay prostitute.

He first only copped to the meth accusations (most likely because that was the hard evidence), and said that he only got a massage from the gay hooker. Today, however he says that he has a sexual problem. Poor guy is probably going to be shipped off to some "cure-the-gays" camp. Regardless of his faith, or what his parishoners and higher-ups believe, what this man really needs is some good old fashioned compassion. What he needs is someone to understand that by supressing his sexuality, he's caused him, his family, and countless others a lot of pain. He needs kindness, support, and understanding. What he doesn't need is someone telling him that he's going to hell, or trying to cure him; this guy spent the last 30 years of his life supressing his urges, and look where it got him.

If you're gay or have gay urges and you feel like the solution is to suppress that, that's fine. AS LONG AS YOU'RE SINGLE. Don't go out an marry a member of the opposite sex, have kids, and build a life with that person to prove that you're straight. I don't care if you lie to yourself -- the only person you're harming is yourself. But once you drag innocent people in that have no clue, then I'm going to have to take issue with that.

November 1, 2006

Etiquette

Mr. AJ, master of etiquitte and proper behavior has a few tips for his fellow metro denizens. Please heed this advice, and our commutes and lives will be much better for it.

1) To Curry Boy on the 7B bus this morning. I love curry -- the yellow curry and the peanut curry are my favorites. They're quite tasty. I've even learned how to make peanut curry myself. However, you need to be aware of a few things. The bus is a closed environment with very poor ventilation. Therefore, it seems you need to be reminded that curry is not cologne, deodorant or fabic softener. It's also not a lotion, anti-itch powder, or shower gel. It's also not a smell that's very pleasant in over powering doses at 7:30 in the morning. So, tomorrow morning when you're getting ready, smell yourself, really smell yourself. If you smell anything other than the clean smell of soap, tell your boss you'll be in late, take another shower, and wash your clothes -- (not in the curry powder detergant, or you'll have to repeat these steps, and I'll beat your ass.)

2) To the stuck-up blonde on the Yellow line last night. I know the metro is a crowded place, especially durning rush hour. I know seats are hard to come by. I know the whole thing can be very frustrating and tiring after a long day. However, that does not give you the right to cold-clock me in the knee with your briefcase. (By the way, was that thing filled with bricks?) It also does mean that you walk icily by and pretend that nothing happened. It also does not mean that you stand just on the other side of the partition and pretend like you did nothing wrong. What you do is APOLOGIZE for hitting someone with your briefcase and/or briefcase accessories. If you don't, the next time you might not be so luck to have inflicted a great deal of pain on kind-hearted Mid-westerner, who will forgive you and be the bigger person. You might just hit a thug who will haul off and lay the smack down on your faux-riche ass. Hell, if you do it to me again, I will cause a scene. And I don't think either of us wants that delay in getting home.

So, fellow riders, heed my advice to Curryface and The BriefCase Banger. Also, extrapolate my advice to any situation you're unsure of. Stay tuned, next week, I'm sure I'll be back with more tips.

Conspicous Consumption

The AJ is a very happy camper today. I have a select few authors, TV programs, and video games that I get excited about and follow with any regularity. Today, my dear nuggets, Final Fantasy XII hit store shelves. A short jaunt out to Best Buy left my wallet a little lighter, but I came home the proud owner of a shiny brand new copy of my own. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, smarmy salesman at the GameStop. He told me a few weeks ago that if I didn't pre-order my copy at his store, there was no way that I would get a copy of it on release day. Well, foo-on-you! I have one! And there's about 100 other copies down the road at Best Buy.

More than being a video game, Final Fantasy games tend to have superb story lines. It's like playing a novel, the stories are so deep and complex. Final Fantasy X has had the best story line I've ever seen in a game to date. Additionally, there's always a lot to see and do in a FF game -- you can easily dump 100 hours into a game, and not do everything there is to be done.

So, I think we all know what I'm going to be doing until the end of the year.

Gettin' Slimy

I was driving to my local slevenry this evening when I noticed something very very odd. For the past 2 to 3 weeks, the signage for the upcoming election was split pretty evenly between Allen and Webb. You could tell that the Allen folks had come late to the party, because all his signs were placed directly in front of the Webb signs and also at the end of every island and median.

I may be drawing a connection that isn't there, but it seems that the newest poll results that have Webb ahead by 4 points drove the local Allen fans over the edge. Regardless, I can report that almost all of the Webb signs have been removed, and in their place are shiny new Allen signs. The few Webb signs that remain are kind of mangled, as if someone tried to pull them out and couldn't quite get them out of the ground.

Lest the naysayers say that I'm imagining this all, there are now a grand total of 4 Webb signs. I never bothered to count them all before this evening, but I know for a fact there were more than 4, as the ratio was more or less even before this evening. Also, the majority of the signs for Moran (D-House of Reps) have remained in their original locations. That's not surprising as a) no one really knows who he is and b) to the best of my knowledge his seat isn't really in jeopardy.

It just doesn't get much sleazier than this.