December 20, 2006

Im Grinchin' Your Xmaz an' Framin' teh Dawg

This is the story of a kitteh whose heart was 2 sizes too small.

Sunday morning the dog woke me up like she always does -- roughly around 7, hyper and ready to play. As I was getting ready to take her for her walk, I noticed there was some shredded ribbon in the doorway to the guest bedroom, i.e.: Roxy's playroom. I started to yell at the dog, but further investigation revealed a still nicely wrapped present, sans ribbon, laying in the middle of the dog's toys. There were no doggie teeth marks, no doggie slobber, just the present placed neatly in the middle of the dog's toys. And the shredded ribbon. And the cat is nowhere to be found.

This morning when I went to feed the dog, I found a mauled ornament in front of the cabinet where we store the dog's food. It used to be one of those ball ornaments, but now it was missing the top part where the cap for the hanger fits. I picked up the the ball part of the ornament, and threw it away. I hauled the dogfood over to Roxy's dish to feed her and that's when I noticed a trail of ornabitz leading from the cabinet to her food and water bowls. Before I yelled at the dog for savaging an ornament, I checked the main pieces of the now deceased ornament and noticed that once again there were no dog sized teeth marks. No dog drool. Just a thrashed ornament around the dog's stuff and the kitteh is again nowhere to be found.

Grinch kitteh must be grasping for straws here. Destroying things around the house and then trying to frame the dog. Did I mention that I sprayed the greater tree area with no-scratch to keep kurious kats away? Did I mention that the cat likes to roll around and attempt to shred the no-scratched tree skirt? I have a masochistic, evil, mafia-esque, frame the dog cat on my hands.

December 15, 2006

You Can Thank Me Later, Or Not At All

Of all the Arts, Performance Art is the least understood and appreciated. It's pretty hard to interpret. It's probably the most mocked as well. Since this is the G'porium, you already know what I'm going to do. Here's the analysis:

  • Fire -- the destructive power of war
  • Helmet -- commentary on how the troops aren't adequately equipped
  • Thong, Clogs (or are they cleats?), Tube socks, and an old, tubby Spaniard -- say what?
Verdict: Someone round up the ShortBus, a drool guard, a trank gun, and one of those white jackets with all the straps. We've got ourselves a live one here.

And for the record, I'm pretty sure that Oviedo doesn't have stuff just burning in the streets.

December 12, 2006

In Any Year, Today Sucks

Today is Bob Barker's birthday.

It's also Dionne Warwick's birthday.

And 20-however-many years ago "Mickey" was #1 on the charts.

That's one giant vortex of suckitude.

December 10, 2006

No Grinches Here

I'm happy to report that both the Major and I got over ourselves and had a nice little tete-a-tete this morning. Things are much better in condo-land.

We had a very nice, if somewhat long, day. We ran out to the Post Office to mail a few things and check on a package. The Post Office said they didn't have the Major's package. We got home from running around town, and there's a nice little note on the door saying: Hey, sorry we missed you, we've got a package for you. Love, USPS. Nice. Real nice.

The Khouria and the two of us must be on the same schedule because we too paid a visit to the Old Knavery. I took the Major there to look at the winter coats, and we left with just about everything but a winter coat. We did get some things that we needed though like a sweater, some henleys, long sleeved t-shirts, and I even scored a belt. I also managed to find a few gifts.

From there we had a nice relaxing lunch at Chilis, and yes we even had desert. We were about done with out excursion and we made a last stop at Target. We rounded up the basics that we needed for the week, but then we found this great Christmas Tree. We decided to get it because we haven't had one in years, and we had the extra money to afford it. However, we didn't see a single ornament that we liked at Target. (And we certainly didn't have enough to decorate all 7.5 feet of fake pre-lit tree.) So we went all over town looking for decent ornaments, and would you believe that there is nothing worthwile at our local craft store, or several other places we went to? We *finally* found some really nice stuff at Macy's of all places. I'll try to get some pics of it posted so there will be photodocumentation of this masterpiece.

After a short visit to the CompUSA, we get back home after 6 hours running around town. Since I'm such a masochist, I decided that it was time to rearrange the main living area (i.e.: living and dining room.) We basically flipped the layout of the living area so that the dining room is where the living room used to be and vice versa. It's one big open area with a pass through to the kitchen, so it's not a big deal. The good news is that we like this layout much better than what we had before. The better news is that we'll be able to get the super-comfy-sectional-sofa-of-watching-TV now, because we know it'll fit with this new layout. And best of all, the new layout gives a nice place for the Tree. The place is now officially all decked out for the holidays.

I lied, best of all, the animals have completely ignored the tree. There has been no batting at ornaments, climbing the tree or knocking the tree over. I hope this lasts for the rest of the season.

December 8, 2006

Beta!

I upgraded to the Beta version of Blogger today. It's a pretty powerful little gizmo, and I'm happy that it added in a bunch of features that I was really wanting. The coolest thing is that it is now very easy to manipulate and change your template. Drag and drop and you can change the order of stuff in your side bar. Point, click and you can change a text color.

The only thing I don't like is that there's no easy way to change the color of the Labels tag ... and I can't seem to get the side bar to extend all the way down the page. But, we'll take it for now.

Misadventuring with AJ

Most people have adventures that involve doing cool things, like exploring a new city, or checking out a new store. Some people even take a whole bunch of illegal drugs and go out to Nation and dance the night away. I am not one of these people.

Instead, I'm a person that the following happens to. Tuesday I got home a little bit late from work because the metro was all snarked up. I run into the house, free the dog and then run to the restroom cause after sitting on public transportation is enough to make anyone want to pee. I'm in such a hurry to get the dog out before she turns the sofa into a port-o-let, that I just grab her stuff. I stop just outside the door to make sure I have my keys -- when the dog jerks a little bit away from the door, which is just enough to through me off balance and cause the door to close all the way. locked. with my keys on the other side.

I decide to make the best of this situation and I take the dog out for a good long walk. She ran and played with her friends from about 6 until 7:30. Everyone went in from the tennis court then because it was just too cold to be outside any longer. I figured surely the Major would be home by now. Nope. I walked over to Neil's hoping he'd be home so I could grab my spare key. Not home either.

Now, I can't call anyone becuase my cell ran out of juice and it's inside charging -- and I don't actually know anyone's number: they're all programmed into my phonebook. I obviously can't trust that the Major will come home anytime in the foreseeable future because he's still avoiding me. I had to use my smartrip (i.e. my metrocard ... the one that I had just put $40.00 on) to jimmy the door open. Of course, the smartrip broke. Of course, I'm going to have to jump through a lot of hoops to get the money off of the broken card and onto a new one.

But, I'm glad I did it. It would have been $60.00 cheaper than a locksmith. And the Major didn't come home for another 1.5 hours.

Week in Review

Sunday

  • Getting rid of the cold sore that ate my face
  • Cold and blustery
  • Not speaking with the Major
  • Finishing HTML project for work at home

Friday

  • Getting a new cold sore that will probably eat my face (again)
  • Cold and blustery (after a mid-week warm-up)
  • Not speaking with the Major (still)
  • Getting the next phase of the HTML project (to work on at home)

As you can see, not much has changed in my life since Sunday. Sure, I got rid of one massive cold sore (we're talking State of Texas here ... that huge ... we've got scaring going on from this one) . But today while I was eating lunch, I discovered there's a new one brewing smack in the middle of my upper lip. It'll be hard to keep this one hidden. The last one started off really small but then spread -- by the time it was done growing it had suburbs in the middle of what would be my moustache, if I were trailer enough to grow one. Needless to say, I couldn't shave very often. I'm hoping this one will stay small, not call in any friends for a party, and not spread to my nose. Thankfully, I have a metric buttload of abreva. And in case anyone cares, this is all my grandmother's fault -- she gets them and she'd kiss us kids (who didn't know she was a vertiable Typhoid Mary).

Sunday was one of the coldest days here. It warmed up a bit during the week -- nothing too drastic mind you -- but now it's back down into the freeze-your-nipples-off degrees (i.e., the 20's with single digit wind chills) and it's so windy that it cuts through even the heaviest of coats. I am thankful it's not cold like up in Minnesota or Montana, but for here it's heinous.

After successfully attempting to set a world record for "pissing me off with the least number of words possible," a cold war started on Sunday. I'm happy to report that it's still going strong. There is no talking. There is lots of "I'm the Major and I'm going to stay out of the house as long as possible so I don't have to deal with the situation and hope that this will all blow over and I won't have to actually apologize for being a ridiculous idiot." While this could be considered entertainment for, say, Passions or Days of Our Lives, I don't find it particularly amusing. It's kind of hard to make things better when one of the parties involved stays away from the house until 8:30 or 9:30 or sometimes even 10:00 every night. (By the way, did you all watch Days of our Lives when Marlena got possessed by the Devil? Good stuff, good times. Especially when her master plan of evil was to loosen all the nuts on the bolts supporting the chandlier in the church all the while giggling hysterically. Coincidentally, that's roughly when I stopped watching.)

Finally, I spent a good portion of last weekend working on a project at home so I'd be like all caught up at work 'n' stuff. Well, it looks like I'll be getting more work to do at home this weekend.

Stick a fork in me. Please. I'm just done with this week.

December 7, 2006

Did You Hear The One About ...?

Really now. Come on. Are you for real?

There's some crazy Republican Congress Critter complaining about the new work schedule to begin with the 110th Congress. Something about how the Democrats are anti-family because of it.

You see, he's all bent out of shape because he'll now have to work -- wait for it -- a FIVE day work week! Just like everyone else in America. The previous schedule was apparently from mid-afternoon on Tuesday to late Thursday. By my count that's 2.5 days ... if they actually showed up to vote and do their jobs and stuff.

Sorry dude, but if you don't like the job, it's time to quit. And if you won't quit, your electorate will make sure you don't have a job.

(I'm too lazy today to round up the link ... but I'm sure a quick googling will yield the source.)

Say Whaa?!?!

Maybe I'm just the type of person that people -- including complete strangers -- feel comfortable telling me things that they wouldn't even tell their mothers. Shortly after I first moved to DC, I was out at JR's. I was minding my own business having a drink listening to music. You see, I had bad day at work and just wanted to relax before going home. A stranger walked up to me, and after he said hello -- this was his pickup line:

"Since I've moved to DC I've become such a racist."

I listened to him rant for as long as I could take it, and then politely excused myself -- but not before letting him know that one of my closest friends is black. OH NO! The horrors!

Last night I was out walking the dog, and we ran into a guy that we see on a somewhat regular basis. He's a nice enough guy, and his dog is one of the few in the neighborhood that plays well with Roxy. We were chit-chatting and out of nowhere he mentioned that he hated those Hispanics and how they've ruined the neighborhood he grew up in. I worked into the conversation about how I've lived and traveled extensively in Central America, and that I've got degrees in Latin American related areas. That effectively ended the racist train for the evening.

My question is why the hell do these people feel it's OK to talk about this crap with a complete stranger. Do I give off some type of bigot-vibe that I'm completely unaware of? As these people are complete strangers to me, I don't feel compelled to edcuate them -- but I will let them know that I don't share their views, and then leave them to rot.

It's really too bad, because now I'm going to have to find another dog for Roxy to play with.

December 5, 2006

On Stupidity

Why is it that some people are so terminally stupid? So much so that they ignore something hoping that it will go away? So much so that they will alter their daily routine and most likely contort their thought patterns? Do they not realize that this makes things worse?

Is it truly worth so much effort not to have to say the words "I'm sorry?" Why not just save the trouble, time and energy and get it over with? Eventually, one will have to apologize, and hurts accrue interest at 100% rate that's compounded daily.

Metro Etiquette: Things You Should Never Have To Express In Any Language Edition

This really isn't an etiquette issue as much as it is a "why does crazy happen to me" issue.

To wit, a sentence I never thought I'd construct in English or any other language:

This morning on my way to work, I was repeatedly checked out by an albino with a lazy eye and facial tics.