She's Bringing Sexy Crack

AJ and friends went misadventuring this weekend. The 'Malator and her friend Ashley wanted to go out dancing. I rounded up the Major and we went and got our tipple on. At the club, we caught the tail end of a drag show. There was one performer that was working the place for all she was worth as Patti LaBelle. She even went down on the floor and imitated speaking in tongues. I guess this was a gospel song. The other performer we saw didn't check herself before she wrecked herself. I vaguely recall some home-made mix of songs she cobbled together (P!nk, Sweet Dreams (original & remix), etc.). She also looked like turkey crossbred with a potbellied pig who then decided to wear a spangled catsuit and a hat with a giant orange feather. It was not hot.

Then the dancing began. By the 3rd song (P!nk -- U + UR hand), Ashley christened herself with a new hot dance move that really shound only be performed by professionals. That's right ... Ashley became Assley. A little bump-n-grind to the floor resulted in a very torn pair of pants. Right up the crack, whole left cheek hanging out, because Assley was rocking the commando look that night. After a little panic, the Major came up with a solution. He lent Ass his boxer briefs, and the party resumed. Good old Assley didn't mind the the rip, so much as she minded her bare butt hanging out. So once she was decently covered it was game on!

I even got to use my powers for good. Some random guy grabbed Ashley from behind while she was dancing and she politely asked him not to touch her. He got really embarrassed and responded with a death threat. I took it to the next level and went and rounded up the manager on duty -- who I've known for many years. Skeezy dude got chucked from the club just like that.

All in all we had an awesome evening. And as much as I just made fun of Ashley, she's one of my all time favoritest people in the world. I don't get to see her that often, so this was a great treat. Ass and all.