Pants on Fire

Yesterday the Malator, the Major and I were hanging out eating wings and watching TV. All was fun and games and omnomnomnom.com until the commerical breaks came on. We saw 2 John McCain ads -- something about being the original mavericks and another about energy policy. Almost every claim the ads made was a lie.

I'm not talking about misrepresentation of facts or presenting information selectively -- I'm talking about bald faced lying. Lies that even the main stream media has noticed and debunked. That's pretty gutsy and also insanely stupid and insulting to voters. But I guess McCain has to resort to lying -- it's the only way he can jibe being a "Maverick" with voting with Bush and the Republicnas 95% of the time.

You Pay Now

The Great State of Virginia has a total hard-on for me right now, and it's definately not in a good way. For some unknown reason the tax department keeps sending me bills saying I owe more money for past filing years. I've got bills for FY 05, 06 and 07 right now. Granted they're all for smallish amounts (say around $100) -- but the whole thing is just pissing me off and confusing me. I have no idea where they're pulling these numbers from and there's no explination of why these bills have been sent to me. To make things even more confusing one of the bills says that my tax refund for one of the past years was applied to what I owed. If this makes sense to anyone, please let me know, because I'm totally stumped.

In addition to all the tax nonsense that came in the mail, I also got a Jury Summons the same day. I'm sure that'll be highly entertaining. I just can't wait to see what Virginia sends me next.

Supernova Suicide

This Primary season has been particularly painful to watch. Partially because it’s been drawn out unnecessarily (like the results of Dancing with the Stars or Idol), but also because we’ve been witness to the implosion and self-immolation of one of the Democratic Party’s top luminaries.

Sen. Clinton never had my support in this Primary. As much as I might have respected her, I had deep concerns about her electability. She, unfortunately, is the most polarizing Democrat out there. Republicans may not be all that keen on Sen. McCain, but they will definitely go to the polls simply to vote against Sen. Clinton. Throw in her vote for the Iraq war, the Flag burning amendment and her tepid response to gay rights and she became a candidate that I didn’t want to support.

I’m not sure at what point in the campaign she went from being a serious candidate to a hollow parody of her former self, but I deeply regret and am very ashamed of her actions in this Primary. Politics can be a very dirty business when you’re in it to win it, but there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s been painful to watch a Democrat actively courting and being proud of getting the racist vote. It is even more painful to watch a Democrat say “I’ve still got a chance – if my opponent is assassinated.” But I think the worst thing in this whole situation is watching a very capable and respected woman destroy her credibility, reputation and future. Especially when it's clear -- and it has been clear for quite some time -- that the race is over.

Thievery!!!

While surfing the nets, this little nugget of goodness revealed itself to me. In the spirit of my love for bad sci-fi and fantasy television programs, I thought I'd have a little fun with this 'news' item and make it the basis for an episode of various programs. Consider this my contribution to your ongoing education and the "The More You Know" program.

Supernatural

Dean: Dude, so we've totally gotta chase these Penis Sorcerors down and nail them.
Sam: Do you think we should use a demon trap?
Dean: Yeah, that's a great idea. I'll stand in it and be the bait. When the demon sorceror comes you waste it with the salt shot gun.
Sam: Why don't I stand in the trap and you shoot it?
Dean: Well, because, I'm the more obvious candidate.
Sam: Dude, my penis is so larger than yours.
Dean: Uhn-uh.
Sam: Is too.
Deam: Isn't.
Penis Demon: *poof* Et voila, now yew both 'ave no penises!
Dean: This is all your fault.
Sam: No, it's yours. If you hadn't been so emo over Dad's death for the last season, ...

Charmed

Phoebe: I like totally had a vision that some Sorceror is running around shrinking men's penises.
Piper: We should go check the Family Cookbook to see how to banish this thing.
Paige (aka: pantywaste): (orbs in from stage right). OMGWTFBBQ! My boyfriend's penis is missing. I was totally doing him and BAM! it just disappeared. You gotta help me ... I mean him.
Piper: We were just going to check WikiWitchcraft for a spell. Come up to the attic with us.

Phoebe: You better search faster Piper. It looks like your Leo just lost his wang too.
Piper: Here's something, let's try this.

Halliwells together: By the power of three, leave the penis be.
Pantywaste: By the power of my slutty red hair, return the penis to me!

Piper & Phoebe: That should should have done the trick.
Pantywaste: Eh, whatever. I think I'm going to dump my boyfriend anyway. Did you see the hot delivery boy?

The X-Files

Mulder: (voice over, typing report) I remain convinced that these disappearing penises are the work of a goverment conspiracy meant to cover up the presence of aliens on earth. I myself was a victim.

Scully: (voice over, typing report) After having conducted a through examination of Agent Mulder and the other 'vicitims', I have found no evidence of any alteration, be it chemical, physical, or genetic. It is my opinion that they have been suffering from some form of mass delusion.

Note: Credit for the penis snatching find goes to an intrepid co-worker of the Scorpios. Blame Scott accordingly.

Vatican Vacation

The Pope had this little nugget of wisdom to share with us all yesterday, which quite honestly baffles me. I would argue that pedophiles can indeed be priests; they've been priestifying for quite some time here in the US. But that's really just semantics. I think the Pope meant "the church won't allow pedophiles to be priests." But this just doesn't make a whole lot of sense either. Pedophiles don't advertise that they're pedophiles. I can only imagine the screening process to weed the pedophiles out of the candidate pool.

I don't understand why the Pope didn't say in very strong language that the church condemns this behavior. That it also condemns those parishes, dioceses, etc., that knew of problematic priests and still allowed them to minister. That they will suffer none of this behavior. It begs the question "What are you going to do about it?"

Going To The Dreamtime

Can't we just fast-forward to Jan 21, 2009? Please?

I've been following the primaries/caucii with some interest, and I realized that I just need to stop. I can't do anything about it, and we've already had our primary here. (I didn't get to vote because I was trapped on the bus during an ice-storm until almost 9p.)

I'm so completely over watching the Democratic Party tearing itself apart. I've had Obama supporters tell me that they'd vote for McCain before they voted for Clinton and I've had Clinton supporers tell me the opposite. There's so much bad blood between the 2 groups, it seems like everyone's forgotten the goal of this whole deal is to get a Democrat elected to the White House.

It especially seems like the candidates themselves have forgotten this. Hillary's 3am phone call ads giving McCain ammunition to use against Obama -- if he were to win the nomination -- were rather dispicable. I think the both of them should rise above negative politics; they need to realize that tearing each other apart is only helping to demoralize and splinter the party while simultaneously providing the Republicans with everything they need to make sure McCain wins the General Election in November.

Like I said before, I'm done following this whole fiasco. Wake me up when we have a nominee, because I don't want to end up being so disgusted by both of them that I can't in good conscious vote for either of them.

Primary Blues

Super Tuesday, blah blah blah. Only a handful of states have primaried/caucused, but the field has been winnowed down to 2 candidates on each side. Granted, not everyone who was running was a viable candidate -- but I think every person in the country has the right to chose from all of the contestants. Instead most of us are left with:

McCain: This guy has changed so much from the "Independant" rogue that I liked in the 2000 election. I get the feeling that he's just saying anything and supporting anything to get the nomination.

Clinton: Sweet. Jesus. No. I'm so completely over partisian politics. W has been one of the most divisive figures in modern U.S. politics. Hillary is at least as divisive as W. I also don't trust her, and she also says whatever she thinks will get her elected.

Romney: Ugh. He flips, he flops and he was a total train wreck as the Governor of Mass. But what makes him total slime was the story about his family vacation. Dude put the family dog on the hood of the station wagon in a crate and drove to their destination. Apparently, it was real funny that the dog got so scared it lost control of its bowels. I can't help but wonder, which Americans are going to be treated like his family dog.

Obama: He's young, relatively untried. People like to call him "Osama." I'm not sure he's got policies developed. But of all of them, he's the only one that actually gives me hope that things might just get better.

Because you know for sure with the rest of them it's going to be more of the same -- and we definately don't need anymore of that.

Media Mayhem

I came across the following headline via the Elevision this morning:

Bush to be first president in nearly a decade to visit Palestine

The headline struck me as ridiculous and misleading for many reasons.

1) Being the first to do something implies significance. You know, because no one's ever done it before. But someone already did -- a decade ago.

2) Use of the word decade: It means exactly 10 years. It doesn't mean less than 10 years or nearly ten years.

3) If we consider the 'decade' to mean1998 - 2008, then Bush has been President of the USA for 8 of those 10 years. If you consider it's really 'nearly a decade' -- call it 8.5 - 9 years, then what we're really talking about is the fact that this is the first time since Bush has been in office that he's visited Palestine.

The last President to do it before Bush, was Clinton -- his predecessor. But the headline reads as if it's been ages and ages since an American President has been to Palestine, and Bush is doing something fantastic and should be lauded for his efforts. The only problem Bush has had 7 years prior to this one to do something about Palestine. He shouldn't be lauded for doing something he should have done ages ago. It's like praising your kid for finally cleaning his room after already asking him 7 times.

While it is regrettable that Bush has waited so long to visit Palestine, my real problem lays with the media's presentation of this. It's the spin to make it look like he's doing something, he's being the Decider. A more accurate headline would be Bush makes first visit to Palestine.

[I did a lot of research online to find the source of this story and it appears to be from the AP . I saw the headline on the televisions in the elevator at work via Captivate. There's been some minor differences across headlines, but they more or less say the same thing.]

Farewell, Oh Ye Political Giant

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The Art of Being Ridiculous

It looks like there are some people out there who don't understand the definition of hate speech. Apparently, the concept of satirizing/mocking all those people who give their award speeches and thank God and Jesus now qualifies as hate speech. At least in the eyes of people who think Kathy Griffin shouldn't have said the things she did.

Personally, I think it was funny. I've often watched award shows and thought to myself why are all these people thanking God. It's not like the majority of them go to church or are particularly devout in their faith. It just seems like that's what you say when you win an award. Much like complimenting all the others who were nominated in your category and didn't win. Puh-lease. You know if you win the award you're thinking "I'm the best, that's right bitches" and if you lost you're thinking "damn, how did that no-talent heifer beat me."

I'm also angry that people would equate Kathy's words with hate speech, because they just don't get it. When you hear "homos are evil" and "you'll burn in hell" and "all fags should die" on a daily basis, you kind of get a good idea of what hate speech is -- and what it isn't. Kathy didn't hate anyone, she just made fun of a perceived hypocritical behavior. I think these idiots just need to get over themselves. Kathy's words would have been nothing more than a flash in the pan, but now that they've been highlighted it's sure that everyone is going to know about it.

Gen X for the win

I was reading this article the other day about how the boss-men are all irritated with Gen X and Gen Y employees. Basically, we're the worst 2 generations of ungrateful brats that have ever graced the planet. We're lazy, we're disloyal, we feel entitled, we're too informal, we're disrespectful, we dress like slobs and they don't want to hire us. [I'd look the article up and link to it, but yeah, I just can't be bothered to do that.]

Beside the obvious comment that every generation has said this about the generation that comes after them, there is just so much wrong with this. I'm like totally fer sure that all Gen-Xers and Gen-Yers are exactly the same. We all belong to a great hive mind that tells us when, where and how to irritate our higher ups. I don't know about you, but I get that information beamed into my head every night when I'm sleeping.

The way I see it is, I'm not lazy (although I can be). I prefer to work smartly. I'm not going to put in a ton of hours in the office for no compensation. I'm of the work to live camp, and I have a life outside of the office. I'll admit that I'm not particularly loyal to any employer. That's becaue I know they're out to get the maximum amount of work out of me for the least amount of money. And when push comes to shove, they'll can me if it helps the bottom line. Why should I be loyal to a company that isn't going to be loyal to me?

Don't get me started on ties and formal office wear. Wearing 'nice' clothes does not affect my ability to do my job. The only time this comes into play is when one is dealing with clients and the expectation is that you look nice. I'll dress up for that -- but to sit in my office and mess around with HTML? I'm not getting all dressed up. Also, don't expect me to respect you just because you have a great title. I'll respect you when you've proven to me that you're worth being respected. I'll treat you politely, and I expect that you do the same to me .... but I'm not going to lick your boots because you're the Executive Vice-Assmunch of Development and Tossed Salads.

Basically, what it boils down to for me is that some people are really mad that on the whole Gen X and Y have completely rejected the established idea of how the workplace should be. We don't want to put up the crap our parents had to put up with, we've seen that there is a better way to do things. I don't want to spend the best years of my life slaving away for a company and sacrificing things and then when I've retired enjoy myself. I want to be able to enjoy my life now, and I want to be able to enjoy my job. Which means that I'm aware of how much I'm worth, and I'll jump ship the minute any sort of crazy comes down the pike. I'm not a bad worker, or afraid of hard work. There's just a limit to how much I'll actually tolerate.

Grow Up Already

I don't know what Isaiah Washington's problem is, but I know he's not making things any better. Last week, it was all T. R. Knight's fault (mmm, yeeeeah. Let's blame the victim.) Or was it the gay mafia out to keep the black man down? I can't keep the crazy straight, so to speak.

Before that it was all the mean ABC's fault. I mean he did everything they wanted him to do so he could keep his job. Bzzzzz. Wrong. Thank you for playing. The correct response here should have been "I did everything in my power to show my regret and remorse over my actions." not "I did everything in my power to keep my job." As they say in crime, motive is a factor.

This week we finally get the racism card. The trump card that is supposed to excuse all bad behavior and make everyone in the U.S sympathetic to what he's went through. I'll be the first person in line to admit that black people in the U.S get a raw deal. Bigots abound, and life is probably 10 times harder than for a white person. However, this whole incident isn't really about race. People aren't scared of Isaiah because he's a tall, dark, non-submissive black man. People are scared of him because he's a crazy-ass pyscho that physically assaulted a coworker. Does he not realize how lucky he was that ABC let him finish out the year? Does he not realize how lucky he his that no law suits have been brought against him for attacking Patrick Dempsey? (Talk about creating a hostile work environment.)

I can't wait to see what the excuse is going to be next week. Maybe it will be flying pig-beasts from Mars. Or maybe body thetans. Yeah. I'm going with Scientologists for next week.

Confidential to 13

Not to happy with the results I gave back to you, huh? Looks like you made some serious heavy duty mistakes, huh? So instead of looking into the mistakes I reported, your solution is to have me go back and double check my work?!!? Because you couldn't have possibly have made all those errors? What makes you think I wasn't thorough when I went through that train-wreck in the first place?

Confidential to x11

Don't throw a hissy-fit just because I did exactly what you told me to do. It's not my fault that you don't remember the specifics -- I do because I wrote them down. [I wasn't trying to show you up when I pulled out the documentation to prove my point, I was merely demonstrating that I did exactly what was requested of me.] Additionally, it's not OK to change your mind about what you want after the fact in a lame attempt to make me look bad. Finally, don't act surprised when I throw a bit of attitude your way about your behavior. Seriously, who taught you it was acceptable to treat people this way?

Whipping Boy

I don't know what I've done to offend people at work, but I am now the official office pariah. Nothing I do passes muster these days. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it's because I've been sticking up for myself lately. In the past, I'd just grin and bare it. Now, I call them on their shit. I think it really started when then neck went all WWE and busted itself and I decided to do whatever it took to take care of myself. The boss wanted me work PT around what was convenient for him, I decided that wasn't going to work and did what was in my best interest. I know he's royally roasted that I'm back at PT again -- he's made it clear he thinks PT is a waste of time. However, just because he's thrown his back out and refuses to see a doctor, doesn't mean I'm going to suffer the same way. I'm quite over living in pain, thank you very much.

They're also into this whole let's treat AJ as if he were a mental deficient thing. Now, I have my moments, but by no means am I stupid. If I don't understand what you're asking me to do, chances are the problem lays with how you explained it to me. My personal favorite this week was an argument over my timesheet. I don't remember what the hell I had for breakfast today, so I'm certainly not going to remember if I got to work at 8:40 or 8:50 last Monday. We're all salaried anyway, so it's not like it really matters. Also, despite the fact I've been asking, nay BEGGING for work, they haven't been giving me anything to do. So I fail to see how it really matters when exactly I arrive at work. Either way they're paying me to nothing. They may hate the fact that they I'm being paid to do nothing, but it's their own damn fault. To wit:

Of my own accord, I started reading some compnay documentation and one of our products so I could be of help down the line. When people saw what I was doing I was told that a) it was way too complex for me to ever be able to learn and b) it was a waste of my time and c) that I should stop immediately. I was a little amazed at this reaction, because I was sure that surfing the internet would qualify as a waste of my time, but apparently I was wrong.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I was given a project a few weeks ago with a totally arbitary and unreasonable deadline that I was unable to meet. I couldn't meet the deadline because the project was riddled with errors and I had to stop every 2 minutes to document said errors. Yet somehow that equated to me sucking at my job.

I know this will get better when they get used to the idea of me standing up for myself, I just wish they would grow up already before I snap and go all Jerry Springer on them.

Asshat Thy Name is TB-patient

So, I'm sure you've all seen the news about the asshole who's been continent jumping while carrying around a nice X-x-x-tremely drug resistant case of TB. Turns out that:

• He's a lawyer (go figure)
• His father-in-law studies TB for the CDC (i-r-on-y!)
• This little bit of gallivanting was for his wedding/honeymoon

Call me old fashioned, but if I was diagnosed with TB I'd call of any plans and get myself treated. This asspirate knew before he left that he had a drug resistant strain of TB. But, because assmunches know better than their doctors, assknockers think they know that it's a-ok for them to travel all over potentially spreading TB-goodness to the masses. If a global pandemic of extremely drug resistant TB breaks out, I want to be first in line to cockpunch this assnugget.

Sign in the comments if you're with me. The queue starts there!

Angst

My patience for all things stupid is at about 0.17% these days. I'm seriously ready to bring the beat-down to most people who cross my path these days. I'm wondering if there's some mass conspiracy going on out there, because there is just way too much asshattery. People on the metro, people at work, people driving [granted, that's a given in DC], and even on the airwaves.

This whole Imus thing is completely out of control. He's a shock-jock. He says cataclysmically retarded things for a living!! Granted, he had no business calling people nappy-headed hos. But still, this type of speech is his whole thing. Personally, I have no use for shock-jocks. They're vuglar and bring the whole culture down into the muck. But some people like them. So, I don't think the whole country should get up in arms about what some idiot who gets paid to say stupid things says on the air.

His comments were most definately racist and sexist. But don't we have much bigger fish to fry? Last I checked G-Dub is still in office and all sorts of crazy is still coming out of the White House on a daily basis. Iraq is still a cesspit (now with more bomby goodness). And the Dept. of Justice has been seriously hijacked by right-wing ideologues. Racism in the U.S. is definately a problem -- but this type of media-hype isn't the way to address the issue.

In Which Our Hero Goes On A Tear

Neil blogged about his anger last week. I've refrained from commenting, because I'm trying this new power-of-positive-thinking, happy outlook on life thing. It's one of those deals where I focus on the good I see around me rather than all the hot messes running amok. However, it's hard to keep this mentality alive and well when I run across things like this.

If I don't think about the status of gay rights (i.e.: civil rights) in America these days, life seems pretty rosy. But all it takes is one whiff of morons like Ms. Marcia, and I remember that there are people out there willing to hate, condemn, marginalize, attack and even kill gays. And in this case, it's someone making her living from U.S. tax-payer dollars. How, exactly, is she defending the U.S., its citizens and its Constitution?

What's notable about this particular item (besides that crazy racist Tango-Wango and the homophobia) is that she initiated the conversation; she thought this man would be a good candidate for the U.S. Army based on his resume. Her dreams of meeting her recruitment quota thwarted, she stooped to base bigotory and unprofessionalism. (Seriously, who in this day and age thinks it's acceptable to send out something like that from your work e-mail?!?)

But what really gets me angry is that if any other class of professional were to send something like that to a prospective job applicant, customer or business contact, they would be fired on the spot. No questions asked. The more liberal workplaces for the entirety of her comments -- the more conservative workplaces for the racism and unprofessionalism. I'm thinking that she might just get away with a slap on the wrist at best ... and at worst a reassignment, maybe a pay cut and a demotion.

This is why I'm so angry with Red-State America, Conservatives and those gay allies that love their gay friends, but not the gay rights portion of their gay friends. We work, we pay taxes, we own homes. We're friends, brothers, sisters. We go to the same schools, see the same movies, read the same books. We're Americans. Just like everyone else in this country. The only difference is in who we love. But that difference makes us unequal. Not deserving of having our relationships honored. Not able to see our spouses in the hospital. Not able to retain any hope of living in the home we have built together if one partner dies. Not able to walk down the street at night without the fear that someone might decide to beat and/or kill us just because of who we are.

I could go on with the list of inequalities. But in the interest of brevity (such as it is at this point), I'll refrain. I can at least give a little respect to the virulent homophobes --they're consistent in their beliefs. I find it much harder to respect people who say they love their gay friend/family member/co worker, but with the next breath aver that they don't support gay rights. Neither group of people really 'get it' -- but at least one is a lot more honest about it.

Gentlemen, Behold!

This is getting just plain ridiculous. Do we live in an society that has surrendered all claims to rational thought and common sense? And no, I'm not talking about the people that placed the ads.

Seriously, I find it very hard to believe that not a single person associated with the investigation recognized what show the character on the bilboard came from. How hard would it have been for someone to say, "hey, that's a mooninite from that show Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the Cartoon Network?" And then some muckedtymuck could call over to Cartoon Network get all the specifics and then realize this was an ad. But no, they chose to go all out, buy into this culture of fear that has pervaded this country since 9/11 and make a huge production out of it. When a simple phone call could have put an end to this before they shut down an entire city for the day.

Granted, this ad is a little questionable, and should have been thought in the context of our "it's-a-bomb-happy" law officials. What gets me is that Boston and Co. looks like it might be on the path to recovering the costs for this little endeavor. If they try to make someone else pay for their lack of research, accountability, doing one's job, and common sense will surrender and die.

One Two Punch

Not content with the neck injury that pretty much bothers me all the time, my body has decided to change things up on me. I was feeling pretty ill last night (upset stomach, a little warm). So, I went to bed early, and slept like a demon. I figured the stomach thing was just a reaction to the percocet.

I woke up this morning with the same symptoms, but also my legs were incredibly weak. This is the first (and major sign to me) that something's not right. Whenever I get sick, my knees and thighs get really weak and I can barely stand up. So, I decided to check my temperature. I've got about a 2 degree fever going right now. The sad thing is I'm debating going to work. I should just suck it up, realize I'm going to have to let the good folks at work down, call in and go to bed. Such a problem when my good sense wars with my sense of duty.