OMG PANIC!

In post 9/11 America, security is the new catchword. Everyone's focusing on how to make things more secure and how to survive if Horrible Calamity X happens. I'm all for emergency preparedness, but there comes a point when the discussion is no longer rational -- If a dirty bomb goes off, sealing part of your office off with plastic sheeting and duct tape isn't going to make that much of a difference. It's simply not realistic to think that's an effective strategy to keep yourself from getting irradiated.

Now, in order to make my suburban office building complex safer, we're going to be issued new security cards for the building. New photo security cards. New photo security cards that we'll have to use to enter the building every single time. Photo cards that we'll wave in front of a reader that can't possibly tell if the person in the photo matches the person holding the card. It seems like a horrible waste of time and money. We already have security guards and visitors are required to sign in. It would make more sense for us to use our existing security cards to activate the elevators (something we already do on the weekends). I guess I just don't get the need to be 'doing something' especially when 'doing something' isn't particularly effective and costs a lot of money.

You Pay Now

The Great State of Virginia has a total hard-on for me right now, and it's definately not in a good way. For some unknown reason the tax department keeps sending me bills saying I owe more money for past filing years. I've got bills for FY 05, 06 and 07 right now. Granted they're all for smallish amounts (say around $100) -- but the whole thing is just pissing me off and confusing me. I have no idea where they're pulling these numbers from and there's no explination of why these bills have been sent to me. To make things even more confusing one of the bills says that my tax refund for one of the past years was applied to what I owed. If this makes sense to anyone, please let me know, because I'm totally stumped.

In addition to all the tax nonsense that came in the mail, I also got a Jury Summons the same day. I'm sure that'll be highly entertaining. I just can't wait to see what Virginia sends me next.

Baa, Baa. I Have No Wool.

I’ve always tried – the best I know how – to be a good son, grandson, uncle and family member. Sometimes I mess up really bad. I’ll freely admit I’m not that good with birthdays. I may call late, but eventually I remember. I usually don’t send cards or gifts, but I know how to do Christmas. It hasn’t always been that way, but now I’m no slouch. My parents frequently accuse me of being too extravagant where my nephew is concerned. The Major also gives me warnings every year not to spend too much money. So, you might only get a call (belatedly) for your birthday, but you can count on a nice Christmas present.

I’m seriously trying to love the parents I have, and not the parents I wish I had. But it’s getting really difficult these days. It seems like they always need a black sheep in the family, and I’m the new one. From my point of view, my parents’ tendency to play favorites is the crux. My sister has always been their favorite. This hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me to deal with, but I have been more or less able to overlook it. It’s been harder since my niece was born. As she’s grown, she’s become the apple of my parents’ eye and my nephew has become a very distant second fiddle.

I’ve seen my parents fawn over my niece, but only offer negative feedback to my nephew: “sit down over there and play quietly,” or “not now, I’m holding the baby.” They’ve babysat her every workday, to help my sister out, but they haven’t made much of an effort to see their grandson. Unfortunately, my nephew and his mother have noticed this trend and are understandably very upset. It’s getting pretty bad; my sister-in-law is getting to the point where she doesn’t want to have anything to do with my parents.

In the interest of family unity, I’ve tried to explain to my parents how their behavior is perceived, which they have dismissed. I’ve made my trips home as much about my nephew as possible; I want my nephew to know that he’s got at least one family member that hasn’t forgotten about him. My parents have told me that I’m just spoiling him.

I’m completely at my wits end here. My parents have made their granddaughter so much the center of their lives, that any discussion on the matter puts them immediately on the defensive. Any perceived slight to the baby is met with retalition; they didn't send me a birthday gift this year because I hadn't done anything for my niece's birthday. I truly wish that they could see that this isn’t about right or wrong, my opinion or their opinion; it’s about one child being lavished with praise and attention and another being criticized and ignored. My niece isn’t old enough to be hurt by this behavior, my nephew is.

Descontroladas

Hot Track? Check!
MerenBooty Girls? Check!!
My new favorite song? Check, check and Check!

Thievery!!!

While surfing the nets, this little nugget of goodness revealed itself to me. In the spirit of my love for bad sci-fi and fantasy television programs, I thought I'd have a little fun with this 'news' item and make it the basis for an episode of various programs. Consider this my contribution to your ongoing education and the "The More You Know" program.

Supernatural

Dean: Dude, so we've totally gotta chase these Penis Sorcerors down and nail them.
Sam: Do you think we should use a demon trap?
Dean: Yeah, that's a great idea. I'll stand in it and be the bait. When the demon sorceror comes you waste it with the salt shot gun.
Sam: Why don't I stand in the trap and you shoot it?
Dean: Well, because, I'm the more obvious candidate.
Sam: Dude, my penis is so larger than yours.
Dean: Uhn-uh.
Sam: Is too.
Deam: Isn't.
Penis Demon: *poof* Et voila, now yew both 'ave no penises!
Dean: This is all your fault.
Sam: No, it's yours. If you hadn't been so emo over Dad's death for the last season, ...

Charmed

Phoebe: I like totally had a vision that some Sorceror is running around shrinking men's penises.
Piper: We should go check the Family Cookbook to see how to banish this thing.
Paige (aka: pantywaste): (orbs in from stage right). OMGWTFBBQ! My boyfriend's penis is missing. I was totally doing him and BAM! it just disappeared. You gotta help me ... I mean him.
Piper: We were just going to check WikiWitchcraft for a spell. Come up to the attic with us.

Phoebe: You better search faster Piper. It looks like your Leo just lost his wang too.
Piper: Here's something, let's try this.

Halliwells together: By the power of three, leave the penis be.
Pantywaste: By the power of my slutty red hair, return the penis to me!

Piper & Phoebe: That should should have done the trick.
Pantywaste: Eh, whatever. I think I'm going to dump my boyfriend anyway. Did you see the hot delivery boy?

The X-Files

Mulder: (voice over, typing report) I remain convinced that these disappearing penises are the work of a goverment conspiracy meant to cover up the presence of aliens on earth. I myself was a victim.

Scully: (voice over, typing report) After having conducted a through examination of Agent Mulder and the other 'vicitims', I have found no evidence of any alteration, be it chemical, physical, or genetic. It is my opinion that they have been suffering from some form of mass delusion.

Note: Credit for the penis snatching find goes to an intrepid co-worker of the Scorpios. Blame Scott accordingly.

Bender

I decided to go on a shopping bender today. Some people go on drinking benders -- I used to be one of them until I found out that a) alcohol gives me migraines and b) I'm not allowed to drink alcohol while I'm taking my migraine preventative -- I have to think of other ways of blowing off steam.

It's been a craptactularly rainy day here (we were woken up at 8:30 by a massive lightning bolt/thunder clap right outside the condo, and it hasn't let up since), so it was a good day for it. I hauled the Major to the mall -- and let him feed first so he wouldn't be too whiny. Then I proceeded to overhaul my wardrobe. Even better, I didn't buy anything that was red, and I only bought one blue shirt. I'm branching out and exploring new colors and new options. The Scorpios will be happy to know I bought a grayish/tan guayavera looking thing with blue vertical stripes on the front.

Anywho, I'm so exhausted now ... but that's not going to stop me from reading porn to the blind.

A Dog's Life

Roxy is very happy about the new kitties next door. Every time I go out on the balcony, Roxy just has to go to look at the neighbor's balcony to see if the kitties are outside. It's rather funny to watch her jump-bounce her way over there. [Bosco is pretty interested in the kitties too. He likes to sit, stare and meow at them. I took him out there to meet them, and contrary to what the shelter people told me, Bosco actually gets along with other cats.]

Kitties aside, Roxy has been pretty miserable today. It's been raining all day long, and she absolutely hates the rain. She won't walk in it, she won't go out in the balcony in it, she just doesn't want to have anything to do with it. She got all excited for her walk this afternoon, and then when she got downstairs and realized it was raining, she quickly peed and made a beeline for drier climes. Definately not the labador genes there. At least she got a new bed today.

Vatican Vacation

The Pope had this little nugget of wisdom to share with us all yesterday, which quite honestly baffles me. I would argue that pedophiles can indeed be priests; they've been priestifying for quite some time here in the US. But that's really just semantics. I think the Pope meant "the church won't allow pedophiles to be priests." But this just doesn't make a whole lot of sense either. Pedophiles don't advertise that they're pedophiles. I can only imagine the screening process to weed the pedophiles out of the candidate pool.

I don't understand why the Pope didn't say in very strong language that the church condemns this behavior. That it also condemns those parishes, dioceses, etc., that knew of problematic priests and still allowed them to minister. That they will suffer none of this behavior. It begs the question "What are you going to do about it?"

From the Vaults

Here's an oldie, but goodie, from back when Mad TV was teh awesome:

I know I've mentioned the Ele-visions at work more than once here. Today's post is courtesy of said Ele-visions. Today's 'Daily Poll' was this:

Is OK to smash your car door into another car that parked too close to you?

WTF? That's like asking "Is it OK to punch someone because they stood too close to you on the metro?" Anyone that answers yes to that question needs to have their driver's license permanently revoked.

Going To The Dreamtime

Can't we just fast-forward to Jan 21, 2009? Please?

I've been following the primaries/caucii with some interest, and I realized that I just need to stop. I can't do anything about it, and we've already had our primary here. (I didn't get to vote because I was trapped on the bus during an ice-storm until almost 9p.)

I'm so completely over watching the Democratic Party tearing itself apart. I've had Obama supporters tell me that they'd vote for McCain before they voted for Clinton and I've had Clinton supporers tell me the opposite. There's so much bad blood between the 2 groups, it seems like everyone's forgotten the goal of this whole deal is to get a Democrat elected to the White House.

It especially seems like the candidates themselves have forgotten this. Hillary's 3am phone call ads giving McCain ammunition to use against Obama -- if he were to win the nomination -- were rather dispicable. I think the both of them should rise above negative politics; they need to realize that tearing each other apart is only helping to demoralize and splinter the party while simultaneously providing the Republicans with everything they need to make sure McCain wins the General Election in November.

Like I said before, I'm done following this whole fiasco. Wake me up when we have a nominee, because I don't want to end up being so disgusted by both of them that I can't in good conscious vote for either of them.

La Sandwichera

Study abroad should be one of the best experiences of your life. You should have a great host family that adopts you as one of their own, looks out for your welfare and teaches you about the country and its culture. You should come out with a good mastery of the local language. However, it looks like things went horribly wrong for this kid. His parents sent him off hearty and healthy -- he came back looking like Karen Carpenter.

From personal experience, it seems like this kid got placed with a family that uses the Exchange Program as a means of additional income. It's pretty obvious from the host father's comments that it all boils down to money. There's nothing inherently wrong with this -- as long as you provide your exchange student with enough to eat and a safe place to live. Indeed, I like the idea that both parties gain something from the exchange experience. However, there's a serious difference between mutually beneficial, and pocketing all the money for yourself.

I hope that the kid mentioned above had great experiences outside of his host family, and is able have some good memories of his time there. Hopefully, he'll be willing to do another exchange in the future. And hopefully, he'll get a much better family.

[Note to BMC: Does this remind you of anyone?]

Kleen Howse, I haz it.

The house got a much needed cleaning. The laundry is done. Grocery shopping is complete. I don't know about you all, but my mental health gets a real boost from having a clean house, clean clothes and a full pantry.

The Major does well with the pantry part -- we're still working on the clean house part. He'll never be as compulsive as I am, but I'm hoping we can downgrade him from a Class 5 Hurricane to a tropical depression. Anything else is just wishful thinking.

Ho Down

In the light of Super Tuesday tomorrow, I've decided to have a Primary that everyone can get behind -- no winners, no losers, just fun. The topic: Ho-iest Hoes of the 80's. Your candidates are:

Samantha Fox
Stacey Q
Lita Ford
Madonna*
Cher*
I don't see my favorite ho on the list, but I'd like you to consider ______.

*Note: You can only consider Madonna and Cher as they were in the 80's. Because if you were to consider their Ho opus in tota it'd be a landslide. Madonna alone had the Sex book, and the simul-bation in Rome just to irritate the Pope.

Media Mayhem

I came across the following headline via the Elevision this morning:

Bush to be first president in nearly a decade to visit Palestine

The headline struck me as ridiculous and misleading for many reasons.

1) Being the first to do something implies significance. You know, because no one's ever done it before. But someone already did -- a decade ago.

2) Use of the word decade: It means exactly 10 years. It doesn't mean less than 10 years or nearly ten years.

3) If we consider the 'decade' to mean1998 - 2008, then Bush has been President of the USA for 8 of those 10 years. If you consider it's really 'nearly a decade' -- call it 8.5 - 9 years, then what we're really talking about is the fact that this is the first time since Bush has been in office that he's visited Palestine.

The last President to do it before Bush, was Clinton -- his predecessor. But the headline reads as if it's been ages and ages since an American President has been to Palestine, and Bush is doing something fantastic and should be lauded for his efforts. The only problem Bush has had 7 years prior to this one to do something about Palestine. He shouldn't be lauded for doing something he should have done ages ago. It's like praising your kid for finally cleaning his room after already asking him 7 times.

While it is regrettable that Bush has waited so long to visit Palestine, my real problem lays with the media's presentation of this. It's the spin to make it look like he's doing something, he's being the Decider. A more accurate headline would be Bush makes first visit to Palestine.

[I did a lot of research online to find the source of this story and it appears to be from the AP . I saw the headline on the televisions in the elevator at work via Captivate. There's been some minor differences across headlines, but they more or less say the same thing.]

2007 Wrap-up

I survived the trip to the tundra, but only just barely. No one acted-up, misbehaved or was otherwise nasty. With the exception of one minor tiff, it was a very pleasant trip. I got to spend a lot of quality time with my nephew who staged a Christmas Pageant with his matchbox cars: "Hi, I'm motorcycle. Let's go to the North Pole."

My loving family did send me home with 2 wonderful gifts: the flu and a head cold. My nose starting running like faucet somewhere around mile 109 on the Ohio Turnpike. The flu induced fever hit shortly after I got home. For reasons that I'm going to leave unwritten, I had to drag myself into work on Thursday and Friday.

By the start of the weekend, I was completely out-of-it. Saturday to Wednesday is a giant blur in my mind. I do know Princess Hot Muffin, the Malator, Assley, the Mayordomo and I had a great meal at my favorite Thai place on Saturday. The rest of the time I was asleep or taking up space on the couch. 2007 went out the way I started it: sick and strung out on meds. I sure hope this isn't some portent that 2008 is going to be more of the same.

2007 -- without a doubt -- was the worst year of my life. I had some good times and reconnected with some old friends, one of whom I never thought I would speak to again. But The Great Nexorcism effectively made 2007 a great steaming pile of mierda. I figure I'm due for some good karma in 2008.

I hope everyone out there in cyberlandia had a great holiday and an even better New Year.

Conundrum

It went down like this:

Last weekend an upstairs neighbor came down, and pseudo-introduced himself. But he wasn't coming down to borrow milk or a cup of sugar. Instead, it was a more of a diatribe barely staying on this side of civility. He asked me if I smoked and I responded in the affirmative. He then went on a tear about how the smoke wafts up to his unit, and he hates the smell, and his wife is pregnant, and the moon is going to fall from the sky and kill all the cute ducks in the pond. Not really. He did demand that I no longer smoke on my balcony and go somewhere else. I looked at him and said "whatever. It's nice to meet you." and closed the door.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm very conscious of the smell of smoke and I try my best to minimize the smell and smoke to others around me. I try to be very considerate. However, this asshole is the same neighbor that I caught spitting and throwing water on Roxy from his balcony. We've also found nails and some weird jello-like substance on the balcony. Somehow, I can't seem to make myself care about this idiot when he's terrorized my dog. Also the Major and I own the place. How dare he tell me what I can and can not do on my own property?!?

Now I understand that one gets into a tricky spot with issues like this. He should be able to keep his windows open and enjoy the fresh air if he choses. Just like I should be able to smoke on my balcony if I so desire. Personally, I hate the smell of smoke (cigarettes and cigars), but if the windows are open and our nextdoor neighbors are out on their patio smoking a few cigars, I close my windows or I deal with the smell. I realize that living in a multi-unit structure means there are somethings you just have to put up with.

Anyway, this guy was so much of an asshole, the Major -- who has been screaming loudly for ages that I need to quit -- told me "you should go out on the balcony and smoke a whole pack right now."

Crime Trifecta

My sister and family need all the well-wishes that they can get. On Saturday, their house (which they bought about 1.5 years ago) was burgled. The theives made off with their TVs, jewlery, some cash and many other valuables. To add insult to injury, the lowlives poured some type of acclerant all over their house and then set the whole place on fire. Then as one last parting gift, they found the spare keys to my sister's car, stole it, drove off, dumped the car somewhere in the greater Toledo area and then set the car on fire.

Burglary, Arson, Grand Theft Auto.

Unfortunately, the car is completely destroyed. Fortunately, the acclerant burnt itself out and only caused smoke and soot damage to their house. Unfortunately, almost everything in the house -- appliances, furniture, clothing, carpets, mattresses -- is unuseable. Fortunately, their cat escaped the house, and no one was hurt.

Also in the plus column, the insurance adjuster has already been out to their house. They've been given money to buy new clothes and their insurance has already approved a cleaning company. They'll be on site starting tomorrow. It also looks like they're going to be able to replace everything that was lost/stolen from their house.

I wish my sister and her family nothing but the best. These next 3 months or so are going to be very difficult for them as they get their lives and their house back in order. My parents are watching my 1 year-old niece while all this gets cleaned up. All my love and concern go out to them. And any other help I can humanly provide.

Monster

Have you seen the latest satellite images of Hurricane Dean? That thing is gigantic! I'm don't know the exact measurements of the Yucatan (and I'm too lazy to go look them up). I can say that I've lived in the Yucatan. I know firsthand that it takes a LONG time to drive from Merida to Cancun -- about 7 hours at roughly 60 mph. My point being that the Yucatan is big. And Hurricane Dean is more than covering the entire landmass of the Yucatan. This storm is going to tear that place up.

Double Swirl Fun

I was seriously beginning to think that my edutainment was going to suffer this year. But then out of nowhere, the Atlantic kicked it into high gear. We've currently got Tropical Storm Dean (soon to be Hurricane Dean) playing out near some islands. It may even make landfall in the States. Then as a bonus, out of nowhere, Tropical Strom Erin just popped up in the Gulf of Mexico. Apparently, Erin's aiming to take out parts of Texas.

I was making due with the antics of Hurricane Flossie -- who has been downgraded, but is still intent on causing some damage to Hawaii. It's just not the same when they're over there in the Pacific. I like my storms to be from the cold, nasty waters of the Atlantic. And now there's 2! Hooray for edutainment!!

Oh, and why is it that any time the media reports on a hurricane said hurricane is 'swirling' towards something? They always 'swirl,' although sometimes they do 'churn.' I think someone needs to send the AP a thesaurus.