live from the ipod

Coming at you live from the new and improved ipod it's blog 2.0 or something like it. The major let me buy an iPod touch today, and all the new features are rather amazing. I'm loving the fact that I can IM, blog and surf the web. I know that I could have gotten all this plus a phone - but I honestly don't want my phone to also be my mp3 player. Anywho, I think I'm really going to like having a small, lightweight gadget that is essentially an ultraportable laptop. I'll keep you all posted as to my ongoing adventures and impressions.

Bacon?

BACON!

Baa, Baa. I Have No Wool.

I’ve always tried – the best I know how – to be a good son, grandson, uncle and family member. Sometimes I mess up really bad. I’ll freely admit I’m not that good with birthdays. I may call late, but eventually I remember. I usually don’t send cards or gifts, but I know how to do Christmas. It hasn’t always been that way, but now I’m no slouch. My parents frequently accuse me of being too extravagant where my nephew is concerned. The Major also gives me warnings every year not to spend too much money. So, you might only get a call (belatedly) for your birthday, but you can count on a nice Christmas present.

I’m seriously trying to love the parents I have, and not the parents I wish I had. But it’s getting really difficult these days. It seems like they always need a black sheep in the family, and I’m the new one. From my point of view, my parents’ tendency to play favorites is the crux. My sister has always been their favorite. This hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me to deal with, but I have been more or less able to overlook it. It’s been harder since my niece was born. As she’s grown, she’s become the apple of my parents’ eye and my nephew has become a very distant second fiddle.

I’ve seen my parents fawn over my niece, but only offer negative feedback to my nephew: “sit down over there and play quietly,” or “not now, I’m holding the baby.” They’ve babysat her every workday, to help my sister out, but they haven’t made much of an effort to see their grandson. Unfortunately, my nephew and his mother have noticed this trend and are understandably very upset. It’s getting pretty bad; my sister-in-law is getting to the point where she doesn’t want to have anything to do with my parents.

In the interest of family unity, I’ve tried to explain to my parents how their behavior is perceived, which they have dismissed. I’ve made my trips home as much about my nephew as possible; I want my nephew to know that he’s got at least one family member that hasn’t forgotten about him. My parents have told me that I’m just spoiling him.

I’m completely at my wits end here. My parents have made their granddaughter so much the center of their lives, that any discussion on the matter puts them immediately on the defensive. Any perceived slight to the baby is met with retalition; they didn't send me a birthday gift this year because I hadn't done anything for my niece's birthday. I truly wish that they could see that this isn’t about right or wrong, my opinion or their opinion; it’s about one child being lavished with praise and attention and another being criticized and ignored. My niece isn’t old enough to be hurt by this behavior, my nephew is.

200th Post - From The Depths of Doom

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know there’s been a lack of posting going on here lately, and I’m sure you all are well nigh sick of staring at the cat that swallows souls. Although, it is kind of cool to start scrolling up and down as the image loads so you get cat eyeballs streaks on the page … Yes, I really am that easily entertained.

While I’ve been off the grid, incognito, skulking about in the shadows and generally just not being around, there’s been a whole lot of crazy going on. I got the flu in the early part of June; vomiting at the Pentagon Metro/Bus Station was definitely one of my life goals. I had a minor neck relapse in the middle of June that was easily remedied with some flexeril. I finished the month out with a 10-day business trip to Los Angeles.

The trip to LA was just crazy. All I did was work, eat and sleep (in that order.) I also got to see some of my co-workers behaving rather poorly. I won’t go into great detail, but I will say I was completely mortified by much of the behavior I saw. Oh, and I accumulated 40 hours of ‘overtime.’

I flew back to DC on the 4th (yes, there’s yet another story there that I’m not going to touch on.) And to account for the rest of my missing time, I somehow managed to throw my back out. I have no idea what I did or how I did it, but after 5 days of intense pain I finally got over myself and went to the Urgent Care. Their bedside manner could use a whole lot of improvement – I read my diagnosis on a sheet of paper they gave to me. However, they sent me home with Valium and Vicodin. As you might suspect, the last couple of days have been a smear in my memory. But I’m healthy, sober, and calm now so regular blogging will resume.

One Bad Trip

It’s official: topamax is the Devil’s drug. For the last month, I’ve been taking it as a migraine preventative – and it works well. While I was on the medication, I didn’t have a single migraine. This is a great thing, because as I’ve gotten older my migraines have become a lot more frequent; a typical month for me averages 3 to 5 migraines.

BUT, and this is a very large but, the side effects of this drug totally outweigh any benefits I’ve gotten from it.

• Short-term memory loss: I’ve found myself forgetting words, and things that I’m supposed to do. Often, I’d find myself staring into space wondering why I was somewhere and what I was supposed to be doing there.
• Insomnia: Most people experience the exact opposite while on topamax, and have problems staying awake. I, however, frequently had many sleepless nights. For someone who already has difficulty falling asleep, this side effect really pissed me off.
• Depression/Apathy: I really just didn’t give a crap about anything while I was taking this medication. Wake up 50 minutes late? Whatever. Big deadline at work? Meh, I’ll do it tomorrow. I was also very uninterested in things that I normally enjoy. In short, I just didn’t feel like me anymore.

Call me crazy, but I’d rather deal with the migraines than be forgetful, constantly tired depressed space ranger. I think it’s time to go back to the doctor and try something else.

Thievery!!!

While surfing the nets, this little nugget of goodness revealed itself to me. In the spirit of my love for bad sci-fi and fantasy television programs, I thought I'd have a little fun with this 'news' item and make it the basis for an episode of various programs. Consider this my contribution to your ongoing education and the "The More You Know" program.

Supernatural

Dean: Dude, so we've totally gotta chase these Penis Sorcerors down and nail them.
Sam: Do you think we should use a demon trap?
Dean: Yeah, that's a great idea. I'll stand in it and be the bait. When the demon sorceror comes you waste it with the salt shot gun.
Sam: Why don't I stand in the trap and you shoot it?
Dean: Well, because, I'm the more obvious candidate.
Sam: Dude, my penis is so larger than yours.
Dean: Uhn-uh.
Sam: Is too.
Deam: Isn't.
Penis Demon: *poof* Et voila, now yew both 'ave no penises!
Dean: This is all your fault.
Sam: No, it's yours. If you hadn't been so emo over Dad's death for the last season, ...

Charmed

Phoebe: I like totally had a vision that some Sorceror is running around shrinking men's penises.
Piper: We should go check the Family Cookbook to see how to banish this thing.
Paige (aka: pantywaste): (orbs in from stage right). OMGWTFBBQ! My boyfriend's penis is missing. I was totally doing him and BAM! it just disappeared. You gotta help me ... I mean him.
Piper: We were just going to check WikiWitchcraft for a spell. Come up to the attic with us.

Phoebe: You better search faster Piper. It looks like your Leo just lost his wang too.
Piper: Here's something, let's try this.

Halliwells together: By the power of three, leave the penis be.
Pantywaste: By the power of my slutty red hair, return the penis to me!

Piper & Phoebe: That should should have done the trick.
Pantywaste: Eh, whatever. I think I'm going to dump my boyfriend anyway. Did you see the hot delivery boy?

The X-Files

Mulder: (voice over, typing report) I remain convinced that these disappearing penises are the work of a goverment conspiracy meant to cover up the presence of aliens on earth. I myself was a victim.

Scully: (voice over, typing report) After having conducted a through examination of Agent Mulder and the other 'vicitims', I have found no evidence of any alteration, be it chemical, physical, or genetic. It is my opinion that they have been suffering from some form of mass delusion.

Note: Credit for the penis snatching find goes to an intrepid co-worker of the Scorpios. Blame Scott accordingly.

Bender

I decided to go on a shopping bender today. Some people go on drinking benders -- I used to be one of them until I found out that a) alcohol gives me migraines and b) I'm not allowed to drink alcohol while I'm taking my migraine preventative -- I have to think of other ways of blowing off steam.

It's been a craptactularly rainy day here (we were woken up at 8:30 by a massive lightning bolt/thunder clap right outside the condo, and it hasn't let up since), so it was a good day for it. I hauled the Major to the mall -- and let him feed first so he wouldn't be too whiny. Then I proceeded to overhaul my wardrobe. Even better, I didn't buy anything that was red, and I only bought one blue shirt. I'm branching out and exploring new colors and new options. The Scorpios will be happy to know I bought a grayish/tan guayavera looking thing with blue vertical stripes on the front.

Anywho, I'm so exhausted now ... but that's not going to stop me from reading porn to the blind.

Home Improvement

I'd love to have a more exciting life -- at least until I try to jump over another dumpster and herniate another disk. As it stands, I've been spending a lot of my time working, HTMLing things and other items that just aren't all that interesting to anyone but me.

The most exciting thing I have to report is the mini-makeover the Condo got this weekend. We had to replace a toilet seat that inexplicably cracked, the Major is working on fixing a slow drip in the shower, and presumably is also going to recaulk the shower. Amazingly, in the process of repairing things nothing else got broken, no wrong parts were bought and everything went smoothly.

Oh, and I can't talk about it much, but we're definately moving within the next year.

Man v. Machine

Things have been a little crazy lately. After recovering from the Family Flu And Cold (2007 edition), I haven't had a nice, normal, quiet day at work. It's been non-stop, go-go-go, get this done NOW! Fortunately, it's enjoyable work. Unfortunately, I haven't really had time to do anything else.

After 2 nights of very little sleep, it all caught up with me this morning. I was happily sleeping in my bed and woke up to pleasant sunlight. I enjoyed it for a couple of moments and then I realized: there's sunlight! OH CRAP! WHAT TIME IS IT?!?!?! A quick glace at the clock let me know it was 9:30 and that I'm now going to be at least 3 hours late to work. [Don't you just love non-rush hour bus schedules?]

I made the best of it, worked like a dog and got a lot done at work. My work groove was running smoothly, but little did I know that the Paper Shredder had other plans for my afternoon. Foolish mortal, don't you know you don't make me shred 4 pages at 4:30? To thwart you I will jam up and force you to use mini screwdrivers to pry little bits of paper out of me. For 30 minutes. Maybe I should have just stayed in bed this morning?

Victory Is Mine!

I had a knit pair of slipper boots/mukluks in college that were my favorite things ever. I wore them everywhere, including on rounds. They even went to Mexico with me. Sadly, they died a rather violent death by dog mauling.

For the past 10 years or so, I've been looking for a new pair. I've scoured the internets, tried every variation in search engines and came up empty handed. I could have planned a trip back to OU to go to the store where I originally purchased these, but I'm not going to take a 7 hour trip (one way) just to buy a pair of $20 slipperboots.

Today, I finally found a site that sells them -- just as I remember them, leather soles and all. You know the first thing I did, after I got over the initial shock, was click on the "Buy These Bitches Now" button. I should have them in my greedy bootslipper loving hands in 3-5 business days. Pictures will be posted. Seriously. And maybe I'll even post the pictures of Roxy and Ginger that I was supposed to have posted months ago.

[If you doubt my love for these boots, there is at least one semi-regular commenter that has witnessed these boots in all their glory. They even went on rounds with me in said boots. I'll let you all figure out who s/he is.]

Oooooh, Barracuda

Do you like to rock? Do you like guitars? What about hair bands, indie punk rockers, and KISS? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then maybe you should come over to my Bitchin' Condo and play some Guitar Hero.

On a whim, the Mayordomo and I bought Guitar Hero III and 2 guitar controllers. It's been non-stop rockin' at our place since Monday. Mayordomo particularly likes "Barracuda" and "I Wanna Rock 'n' Roll" -- or whatever that Poison song is called. I'm more partial to the alternative songs: Social Distorion, Sonic Youth, and the like. Of course, Mayordomo hates this when we play together because it gives me an advantage. He never got into college rock, indie bands, or alternative music so he has never heard these songs before. Whereas, while I've never been a huge fan of heavy metal, you don't grow up in the 80's not knowing these songs.

And for some bizarre reason I've got "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas stuck in my head. It's been there all week. The last time I actually remember hearing that song was over the summer when I was watching Supernatural. (You can laugh all you want, and I'll agree: The show is nothing but eye-candy.)

I've gotta go practice my power stance now. If you need me, I'll be in the 'concert hall' (OK, fine game room/guest bedroom) rockin. Just knock before you come in -- I might have some groupies in there with me.

Nothing New of Note

No, I'm not dead, in hiding, suffering from a disfiguring skin disease or anything remotely like that. But the project that ate my life 2007 edition, is almost over. My portion is complete, and it has entered the testing phase. Within the week, the website redesign should go live. It's kind of cool because I'll have something 'concrete' to point at and say "I did that." Of course, I now have a new massive project. Which also involves HTML, CSS and all that fun web stuff. So, it looks like I'll still be dreaming in HTML code for at least a few more weeks.

Outside of work, I'm happy to report that we have done away with Fall entirely out here. We moved from the hot and humid 85 degree weather of Extended-Summer-In-October directly to the 45-50 degree I-Hope-You-Own-A-Parka-Early-Onset-Winter. Two weeks ago, lows were in the mid-to-high 60's, now it's about 37. Granted, I love wintertime ... but I like Fall better, and I'm a little annoyed it didn't really happen this year. On the positive side, this means I get to wear my new red hoodie sooner than expected.

She's Bringing Sexy Crack

AJ and friends went misadventuring this weekend. The 'Malator and her friend Ashley wanted to go out dancing. I rounded up the Major and we went and got our tipple on. At the club, we caught the tail end of a drag show. There was one performer that was working the place for all she was worth as Patti LaBelle. She even went down on the floor and imitated speaking in tongues. I guess this was a gospel song. The other performer we saw didn't check herself before she wrecked herself. I vaguely recall some home-made mix of songs she cobbled together (P!nk, Sweet Dreams (original & remix), etc.). She also looked like turkey crossbred with a potbellied pig who then decided to wear a spangled catsuit and a hat with a giant orange feather. It was not hot.

Then the dancing began. By the 3rd song (P!nk -- U + UR hand), Ashley christened herself with a new hot dance move that really shound only be performed by professionals. That's right ... Ashley became Assley. A little bump-n-grind to the floor resulted in a very torn pair of pants. Right up the crack, whole left cheek hanging out, because Assley was rocking the commando look that night. After a little panic, the Major came up with a solution. He lent Ass his boxer briefs, and the party resumed. Good old Assley didn't mind the the rip, so much as she minded her bare butt hanging out. So once she was decently covered it was game on!

I even got to use my powers for good. Some random guy grabbed Ashley from behind while she was dancing and she politely asked him not to touch her. He got really embarrassed and responded with a death threat. I took it to the next level and went and rounded up the manager on duty -- who I've known for many years. Skeezy dude got chucked from the club just like that.

All in all we had an awesome evening. And as much as I just made fun of Ashley, she's one of my all time favoritest people in the world. I don't get to see her that often, so this was a great treat. Ass and all.

Because I couldn't seem to motivate myself this week, I get to take work home this weekend. It like totally blows chunks, Heather, that I have to spend time working at home. On the positive side, it's something I actually enjoy doing.

Granted, I probably don't have to this. However, I want to be able to surprise the bossman when he gets back from vacation on Monday with a fully completed project. So while you're all out there enjoying the 110 degree weather (what's up with that anyway? From 75 to 110 in 2 days?!) think of me sitting at home building a website from the ground up. And cursing at my laptop because I can't get the HTML or Javascript to work the way I want.

In The Life

Netflix delivered Another Gay Movie to our house yesterday. After watching Who Wants to Be A Superhero the Major slapped this little bit of raunch into the DVD player. It's a few parts American Pie meets a few parts Date Movie meets ... In other words, it's a gay take on all the popular movies and spoofs that are out there.

All I have to say is that if you ever meet Graham Norton dressed up as a Dom Top and he happens to be calling himself 'Rodzilla' -- you're going to want to tell him that you definately do not like Belgian Chocolate.