Thievery!!!

While surfing the nets, this little nugget of goodness revealed itself to me. In the spirit of my love for bad sci-fi and fantasy television programs, I thought I'd have a little fun with this 'news' item and make it the basis for an episode of various programs. Consider this my contribution to your ongoing education and the "The More You Know" program.

Supernatural

Dean: Dude, so we've totally gotta chase these Penis Sorcerors down and nail them.
Sam: Do you think we should use a demon trap?
Dean: Yeah, that's a great idea. I'll stand in it and be the bait. When the demon sorceror comes you waste it with the salt shot gun.
Sam: Why don't I stand in the trap and you shoot it?
Dean: Well, because, I'm the more obvious candidate.
Sam: Dude, my penis is so larger than yours.
Dean: Uhn-uh.
Sam: Is too.
Deam: Isn't.
Penis Demon: *poof* Et voila, now yew both 'ave no penises!
Dean: This is all your fault.
Sam: No, it's yours. If you hadn't been so emo over Dad's death for the last season, ...

Charmed

Phoebe: I like totally had a vision that some Sorceror is running around shrinking men's penises.
Piper: We should go check the Family Cookbook to see how to banish this thing.
Paige (aka: pantywaste): (orbs in from stage right). OMGWTFBBQ! My boyfriend's penis is missing. I was totally doing him and BAM! it just disappeared. You gotta help me ... I mean him.
Piper: We were just going to check WikiWitchcraft for a spell. Come up to the attic with us.

Phoebe: You better search faster Piper. It looks like your Leo just lost his wang too.
Piper: Here's something, let's try this.

Halliwells together: By the power of three, leave the penis be.
Pantywaste: By the power of my slutty red hair, return the penis to me!

Piper & Phoebe: That should should have done the trick.
Pantywaste: Eh, whatever. I think I'm going to dump my boyfriend anyway. Did you see the hot delivery boy?

The X-Files

Mulder: (voice over, typing report) I remain convinced that these disappearing penises are the work of a goverment conspiracy meant to cover up the presence of aliens on earth. I myself was a victim.

Scully: (voice over, typing report) After having conducted a through examination of Agent Mulder and the other 'vicitims', I have found no evidence of any alteration, be it chemical, physical, or genetic. It is my opinion that they have been suffering from some form of mass delusion.

Note: Credit for the penis snatching find goes to an intrepid co-worker of the Scorpios. Blame Scott accordingly.

Bender

I decided to go on a shopping bender today. Some people go on drinking benders -- I used to be one of them until I found out that a) alcohol gives me migraines and b) I'm not allowed to drink alcohol while I'm taking my migraine preventative -- I have to think of other ways of blowing off steam.

It's been a craptactularly rainy day here (we were woken up at 8:30 by a massive lightning bolt/thunder clap right outside the condo, and it hasn't let up since), so it was a good day for it. I hauled the Major to the mall -- and let him feed first so he wouldn't be too whiny. Then I proceeded to overhaul my wardrobe. Even better, I didn't buy anything that was red, and I only bought one blue shirt. I'm branching out and exploring new colors and new options. The Scorpios will be happy to know I bought a grayish/tan guayavera looking thing with blue vertical stripes on the front.

Anywho, I'm so exhausted now ... but that's not going to stop me from reading porn to the blind.

A Dog's Life

Roxy is very happy about the new kitties next door. Every time I go out on the balcony, Roxy just has to go to look at the neighbor's balcony to see if the kitties are outside. It's rather funny to watch her jump-bounce her way over there. [Bosco is pretty interested in the kitties too. He likes to sit, stare and meow at them. I took him out there to meet them, and contrary to what the shelter people told me, Bosco actually gets along with other cats.]

Kitties aside, Roxy has been pretty miserable today. It's been raining all day long, and she absolutely hates the rain. She won't walk in it, she won't go out in the balcony in it, she just doesn't want to have anything to do with it. She got all excited for her walk this afternoon, and then when she got downstairs and realized it was raining, she quickly peed and made a beeline for drier climes. Definately not the labador genes there. At least she got a new bed today.

Pet Emporium

Our next door neighbors got 2 new kitties this week. This is relevant because our 'balconies' are separated by a black psuedo-fence. The neighbors have put up plastic chicken wire to height of about 3 feet on the fence, so they can let their kitties outside without having to worry about the cats running away.

One of their new kitties likes to come over and visit us. Friday night, I caught her sitting on one of our deck chairs, staring in at our living room and meowing quietly -- twice. After giving her a bit of love (she likes to roll around on the ground at your feet), I gently returned her to her side of the fence.

Saturday, I saw my neighbors and told them about their kitty's adventures. However, kitty is very quick, and very sneaky and 2 times in less than 2o minutes had snuck back over to visit Bosco and Roxy. Kitty is now confined indoors.

Vatican Vacation

The Pope had this little nugget of wisdom to share with us all yesterday, which quite honestly baffles me. I would argue that pedophiles can indeed be priests; they've been priestifying for quite some time here in the US. But that's really just semantics. I think the Pope meant "the church won't allow pedophiles to be priests." But this just doesn't make a whole lot of sense either. Pedophiles don't advertise that they're pedophiles. I can only imagine the screening process to weed the pedophiles out of the candidate pool.

I don't understand why the Pope didn't say in very strong language that the church condemns this behavior. That it also condemns those parishes, dioceses, etc., that knew of problematic priests and still allowed them to minister. That they will suffer none of this behavior. It begs the question "What are you going to do about it?"

From the Vaults

Here's an oldie, but goodie, from back when Mad TV was teh awesome:

Home Improvement

I'd love to have a more exciting life -- at least until I try to jump over another dumpster and herniate another disk. As it stands, I've been spending a lot of my time working, HTMLing things and other items that just aren't all that interesting to anyone but me.

The most exciting thing I have to report is the mini-makeover the Condo got this weekend. We had to replace a toilet seat that inexplicably cracked, the Major is working on fixing a slow drip in the shower, and presumably is also going to recaulk the shower. Amazingly, in the process of repairing things nothing else got broken, no wrong parts were bought and everything went smoothly.

Oh, and I can't talk about it much, but we're definately moving within the next year.

I know I've mentioned the Ele-visions at work more than once here. Today's post is courtesy of said Ele-visions. Today's 'Daily Poll' was this:

Is OK to smash your car door into another car that parked too close to you?

WTF? That's like asking "Is it OK to punch someone because they stood too close to you on the metro?" Anyone that answers yes to that question needs to have their driver's license permanently revoked.

This And That With AJ

Could you please not eat like a goblin? Roxy's been a happy girl lately. She's played a lot with her doggie friends, tried to bogart a puppy and got some nummy gravy on her food last night. Om, nom, nom, nom!

On being irrelevant: When I get old(er) and have completely lost any hip-ness or relevancy that I might have once possessed, I totally want to go on a racist tirade like Geraldine Ferraro. Besides, she looks like someone took a pure-bred Kimodo Dragon and tattooed eyebrows on it. Look at the good she does.

Voice-overs are cool: (This contains some NSFW language.)

Going To The Dreamtime

Can't we just fast-forward to Jan 21, 2009? Please?

I've been following the primaries/caucii with some interest, and I realized that I just need to stop. I can't do anything about it, and we've already had our primary here. (I didn't get to vote because I was trapped on the bus during an ice-storm until almost 9p.)

I'm so completely over watching the Democratic Party tearing itself apart. I've had Obama supporters tell me that they'd vote for McCain before they voted for Clinton and I've had Clinton supporers tell me the opposite. There's so much bad blood between the 2 groups, it seems like everyone's forgotten the goal of this whole deal is to get a Democrat elected to the White House.

It especially seems like the candidates themselves have forgotten this. Hillary's 3am phone call ads giving McCain ammunition to use against Obama -- if he were to win the nomination -- were rather dispicable. I think the both of them should rise above negative politics; they need to realize that tearing each other apart is only helping to demoralize and splinter the party while simultaneously providing the Republicans with everything they need to make sure McCain wins the General Election in November.

Like I said before, I'm done following this whole fiasco. Wake me up when we have a nominee, because I don't want to end up being so disgusted by both of them that I can't in good conscious vote for either of them.