October 5, 2006

Bait 'N' Switch (PT, Part 3)

I'm not a morning person. Not even a little bit. So, it was with great unenthusiasm that I hauled myself out of bed at 6:00 this morning to make it to my PT appointment at 7:30. The dog was whining to be let out, and after I kick-started my morning with a nice jolt of nicotine, we were ready to walk the pup.

While I was getting ready, I realized I was really looking forward to the 30 minute massage part of my PT routine. The Evil-One (aka, the necksorcist, or as Neil calls her Mistress Domina) can give me all the nasty exercises she wants -- but I'm still getting a nice massage. I made peace with being up that early in the morning.

I get to the PT office and 10 minutes into the massage The Good-One (aka, the massager) pulls off her mask and reveals that she's really the Devil. There will be no 30 minute massage today. Instead, I'm going to put you on the traction machine for 15 minutes. Yes, the traction machine -- a vertiable modern day "rack." She strapped my head down, tightened the neck brace, activated the evil-machine-of-doom, and then walked out of the room while giving me the following warning:

Push this button if it gets to be too much. If you need anything, ring this bell. You'll be done in 15 minutes.

How am I supposed to "ring the bell" when I'm strapped into this machine?!? And I've seen one too many bad sci-fi movies to be comfortable with machines like this. These are the machines that black, hispanic, gay and the "ugly,""fat," best-girl friend characters get decapitated in/on.

But you know what: I kinda liked it. My neck felt awesome when it was all over. And I almost fell asleep a few times.

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